Failing IVF really brought us to the end of trying everything we thought possible.  Of course we can try it again, there are people out there who do IVF 4x before they are successful.  There are people out there who have done it 6x and still don’t have a child.  I don't know how some of them make it through that many times, because after one trial of IVF I am worn out.  We are both worn out.  Dave and I are faced with more decisions.  Decisions we didn't think we would ever be faced with.  There are options out there we didn’t even know of………. Domestic adoption, international adoption, embryo adoption, fostering children,  surrogacy, donor eggs, re-trying IVF with a different approach.  We reviewed our options at our post IVF consult with the doctor.  She encouraged us to try again if that was financially possible because we can try a different approach with the medications.  She reassured us that sometimes a different combination of medication or different timing of medication can do the trick.  She cannot tell us if the chances would be any better.  There are never any guarantees with this.  We also talked about using donor eggs that of anonymous donor or that of one of my sisters.  We talked about adopting embryos that would genetically be neither of us but could be implanted into my uterus so I could still birth a child.  It would be our baby from day 1 but would not genetically be linked to us.    She mentioned doing some very thorough genetic testing (Fragile X)to see if I carry a gene that is causing the infertility or that might cause our child to have severe mental and/or  physical deformities and disabilities.  

Dave and I discussed the the genetic testing thoroughly and can't convince ourselves that it's what we need to do.  It might give us an answer, but what if we did get pregnant down the road, we're not going to end the pregnancy because of it.  The knowledge in itself would probably do us more harm than good.  We both feel like this is one of those things that's in God's hands.  He already knows the child we will have and he's preparing us for that.  We would rather not know this and be able to celebrate and be happy when we get pregnant instead of living in fear and worry. I am certain I will worry enough without knowing these things.  The reality is, any child can be born with health problems, mental or physical disabilities- and for us, it's more knowledge than what we feel we are to know.

I've come to know a mother through work who went through a failed attempt at IVF only she didn't make it as far as us.  When they went to retrieve her eggs, they said there were only 2 and they weren't good quality, so they ended her IVF cycle right there.  No embryos were ever transferred.  This mother devastated with the outcome, decided to seek a different approach. She said she couldn’t believe that she would never have a child.  A friend of hers referred her to a Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture Clinic here in Nashville.  Yes, Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture.  Talk about a different approach.  It's hard for me to wrap my mind  around it.  It seems completely crazy and absurd to even consider.  But, this same mother who sought this clinic out, now brings her triplets in to our clinic.  I've seen it with my own eyes and I've heard her story.  Something worked.  She was told by her regular doctor her chances of having a child were slim to none- that her egg quality was poor and she didn’t respond to IVF.    But the same doctor who told her she couldn't have a baby, also told her when she came back in after acupuncture and herbal treatment that there was something to it because her egg quality and number had improved tremendously.

When you reach the point of feeling like you have tried everything.  You are so much more open to trying anything else that might work.  The thought of this is crazy and absurd to us, just as  it was to my friend!  But, she tried it, and because she tried it- she now has 3 beautiful babies.  I am not here to promote this or say that this is better than our typical Western medicine philosophy.  I'm a nurse and I do believe in our medicine and all the amazing things we can do for people because of our medical technology and medicine.  However, when it comes to this and feeling as though we have tried everything Western medicine has to offer, we find ourselves a little more open to the Eastern Medicine approach.  I have seen it work, call it coincidence, call it what you may.  But for us, it’s offered a new hope to explore a different option that might work for me too!

 I've always said with this journey we are on that I have to know in my heart that we tried everything possible to conceive a child.  And although we will love an adopted child as much as we will a biological child, I have to give this a try. 

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