Well, We got our voicemail this morning at 11am.  Out of the three eggs I had they were able to ICSI all three.  However, out of the 3, only 1 egg fertilized.  So, we have one embryo.  Due to the low number of  embryos,  my transfer will take place Monday at 10am.   They feel it is best to put that embryo in the best environment which is my body.   I feel so horrible that I'm sad about only having one, but we worked so hard to get to this point.  It's so emotionally upsetting. 

I am so thankful we have one embryo and that child is already so loved.  My good friend Angi keeps telling me this is going to be one stubborn child.  It's fought so hard to live already, I can only imagine the personality it's going to have-lol.   My heart aches for the eggs that did not fertlize- for babies that could have been.  Somehow part of me feels like I deserved more than one just because I've gone through all of this.   

I am crying while I type and I just have to say life's not fair.  No one ever said it was, but this really gets me.  There are so many teenage mothers out there that didn't want their baby, and then I have to wonder why we're in this situation or other couples like us.  It simply is not fair and I will never understand it.  The odds were against us from the beginning- and I knew the chances were slim- my doctor put me on the highest dose of FSH, she told me she didn't expect me to get very many eggs.  Then they tell us to do ICSI- which I read 50-80% of eggs fertilize with this process.  So out of our 3 we're hoping for at least 2.  But that doesn't happen for us either.     I know God just needs one and we have an embryo growing and developing as I write this.  I am already imaging the little one and what they will be like.  Is is a boy or girl?  Who will they look like?  Will they survive the implantation process and implant into my uterus? 

I'm nervous about the next 2 days.  Our little embryo has to continue to grow and develop so we can implant on Monday.  I am praying this little one is strong and I know they are because they've made it this far.    We are actually praying for our baby now- that has been created.  Absolutely incredible.  They're here, they're just not inside me yet.  I can't wait to experience the feeling inside me.  Hold on baby, hold on.

Dear Baby Stanley,
You just have to stay with us now, we love you too much already to let go.  We have a name for you and your room is already picked out.  Once we find out your sex, we'll begin decorating it.  You're going to be incredibly spoiled because we've wanted you  for so long.  We've prayed for you more than anyone possibly could and your aunts, grandparents, and our friends have been praying too!  Everyone wants to meet you and so you're just going to have to make it through this implantation process.  We know you're already so tough becuase you've made it this far.  Hang in there.  We'll be there to get you very soon. 

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