Anger.

                The past few mornings I have not been sleeping well.  I think being anxious to wake up and take my temperature every morning partly.  I know that once my temperature drops, my period is going to arrive.    I swear the last days of the wait totally make you a crazy person.   I become very inpatient and agonize over the thought of my period coming.  I go online and start looking for some form of encouragement and some way to help me think I'm pregnant.  This morning Dave and I both woke up at 5:45.  We typically get up at 620 but neither one of us were able to sleep anymore.  We were wide awake.  So, we got on our computers which led me to this blog.  I am supposed to wait until Dec 10 to test, which is 14 days post IUI.   I tried to wait, but I ended up taking a test yesterday- it was negative.  I was at least expecting a false positive from the Ovadril shot.  I don't even get the satisfaction of a false positive- seriously.  I don't think I'll ever see two lines on that stick. 
             This morning I am very angry.  My temperature dropped significantly and granted I took it about an hour earlier than the other mornings, but  I'm pretty sure that my period is coming.  If I was pregnant it wouldn't have registered that low.  I want to scream, cry, throw my hands up and just quit.   I'm not even sad anymore, I'm just plain angry.  I know the next few days will be the hardest after once again believing that this was the month and we would be successful.  These cycles of hope and then despair are killing me.  How much longer do we go on?  How long do you keep on hoping that it will happen when there's no sign that it is going to happen.  The fertility drugs aren't doing a darn thing.  Some women get hyperstimulated from the shot, and I don't even register a positive pregnancy test with it- that's like injecting your body with HCG which is what shows up on the test.  What is my body doing?   It's not responding at all..........