The past week we've been "trying".  I detected my LH surge April 27 and April 28.  Christine is saying this is our miracle month and I won't even need to have the surgery.  I want to believe her, but it's hard. 
       Dave's family is coming to visit us Mother's Day weekend, which happens to be the time my period is due.  So if this is our miracle month, we'll be finding out right when they get here.  We'll see. 
   We've had a lot of sex this week and of course I woke up this AM with horrible abdominal pain and bloody urine.  UTI. You guessed it.  Lucky me.  I called the doc today and she called in an antibiotic.  Of course I was stressing out and called Dr. Lucas's office to make sure the antibiotic would in no way mess up the possibility of having the surgery done May 14 if my period works with us, I mean if it comes.  Of course now I feel like the antbiotic will somehow mess my period up and cause it to come late and therefore - mess up the chance for surgery this month.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm not supposed to have the surgery done- should it be this hard to schedule.   I do hope God is delaying it on purpose because I am pregnant.  I do hope and pray.
Christine brought the boys to visit us for a few days.  IT was such a great time.  Dad came too- so he could help her with the boys driving and such.   I loved every moment of them being here.  Rick is so full of energy.  He has such a loving heart and his little moment meanness are even cute.  Every night I got to help give the boys a bath and read Rick a bedtime story.  Dave even read him a story one night.  It was so cute watching them.  Rick sat on his lap and listened intently.  It was cute.  One night after saying our prayers and tucking him in bed- I blew Rick a kiss from the door and he blew one back- it melted my heart and I walked out of the room with tears in my eyes hoping one day I will be doing that with my own. 
          Again I am reminded of the hard work of a mother.  There is no break- it's constant.  But I also see all the rewards of raising children.  Rick is so full of life and so innocent.  He's very honest and so full of love.  Cristian is just a little ball of joy- always smiling and going with the flow.  Even when Rick picks on him, the little guy finds something else to enjoy.  The heart of a child is truly a blessing.  I look forward to experiencing that one day.  In the meantime, my nephews are little glimpses of what I pray for each night.  And I"ll soak up every minute I can with them. 
Bedtime story with Uncle Dave.
Playing at Castle Park.
Little Rick performing Karaoke.
At Rio Verde for Mexican.
We met Dr. Lucas today.  It went really well.  He is very nice and very informative.  He took the time to sit down with us and was very specific about the surgery and what he thought about it.  He was very in favor of the surgery and told me he wouldn't do it if he didn't think there was a good reason to do so.  He feels like there is an 80% chance that I do have endometriosis and that within 2-4 months following the surgery there would be a good chance that I would be pregnant.  Very encouraging. 
       Immediately upon doing the pelvic exam- he told me my uterus is tilted- I was very impressed with this, because my OB of 3 years has never told me that.  She may have noted it- but don't ever remember her telling me about it.  Dave liked him too!  We of course went to set the surgery up with him and he is on vacation May 20 when I have told work I was going to do the surgery- since that's when it's scheduled with my OB right now.  So, we're looking at May 12 or May 14 and hoping my period is cooperative next month.  It should come May 8 or so- and then we could do it May 12 or May 14.  Sadly this is when I had friends coming in town, but we have to do it before I ovulate each month and I really want to get it done before June comes.   I feel bad that this messes with our plans, but I know they understand that it's dependent upon my period. 
   So, we wait - we wait until my period comes next month.  Which hopefully will be May 8 or 9.  And if it does cooperate- we can do the surgery May 12 or May 14.  We'll see.

        So, today was the opposite of the other day.  I finally got in touch with NFC to discuss moving my surgery up to April 22.  Reason is- my manager is out the week we had scheduled it, then our whole month of May is basically full of family and friends visiting and then we leave for vacation.  Which puts us all the way to June.  For real, June- that's when we were going to take our cruise.   So, when I finally spoke with NFC and got the surgery set for April 22- then I thought this is it - we're really doing this.  Until, our lovely insurance company tells me they're out of network and although they will cover 60% of what they think is reasonable- going to an in-network doctor would be much wiser and much cheaper.  This is after I call my mom and tell her to come and tell my sister she probably shouldn't come with the kids next week since I won't be much fun.  AH! 
           What else?  Seriously, I just want to get this over with.  For one, I'm terrified of surgery to begin with, but secondly, I just want to be able to get pregnant- and if this surgery will help- then why do we have to delay another couple months.  I just don't understand.   I feel like the months are slipping away now.  And somehow they are going by so quickly.  Dave turns 33 this June and I'll be 28 in July.  Thinking how we would have already had one child by now, and possibly working on a second is disheartening.  I don't regret any of our time we have had together- I have enjoyed my husband and all the things we have gotten to do, I have enjoyed building a house and making it a home, I have enjoyed our vacations and the freedom to do what we want to do.  But I am ready to enjoy a child together.  I am ready to make one of our rooms a nursery and put a crib in it and decorate it like crazy.  I am ready to make a big announcement that we are pregnant.  I am ready to shout it out to the rooftops that we did it- we're going to have a baby- we're going to parents.
           After speaking with insurance and feeling like I could cry hearing the news.  I called Dave and we both decided it would be wise to cancel it and try to find an in-network doctor.  It was hard to cancel- because I felt like we were so close to finding an answer.  And now it feels like we're starting over again.  So, I am having NFC fax all my paperwork to a new doctor I found at Vanderbilt.  I must have asked the receptionist a million questions about him- I can't find him online- but apparently he's been practicing for 25 years and at Vanderbilt for one year.  He specializes in infertility.  I have an appt this coming Thursday to speak with him and hopefully come up with a plan.  I am a little uneasy since he is a male and I've always had a female doctor, but if he's good at what he does and he can get us pregnant - I don' really care anymore. 
           I took some time this morning looking up these doctors that my insurance gave me.  It's stressful.  I'm picking a doctor by a picture and a summary written about them.  How unfair is that?  What does a picture say?  Can I really pick a doctor by how they look or what their biography says about them- I may not like them in person at all.  How do I make this decision.  I have it down to 2 doctors.  Of course both are male.  One is a former Vanderbilt doctor who started his own infertility clinic and the other is currently with Vanderbilt.  We'll see.  I guess we can go and meet them both and decide.  But there is so much paperwork for all of these.  And frankly I'm sick of paperwork.   

So, Dave and I went to meet Dr. Whitworth today at Nashville Fertility Clinic today.  After a very long wait we were finally called back.  The nurse did my weight and blood pressure and asked us a few questions and then told us the doctor would be in shortly.  45 minutes later- she moved us to her office where we sat down to talk with her.  She was very nice and apologized for the wait- told us she had a lot of complicated patients today.  Anyways, we began sharing our history and answering her questions.  After our discussion- she wanted to do a vaginal ultrasound- so after emptying my bladder- she did the ultrasound.  It was quite informative.  She said I have a retroverted uterus- which means it's tilted backwards- which can be a sign of endometriosis.  She also said my ovaries are quite small, and I had a low number of eggs for my age.  Wow.  All that from a quick ultrasound. 
    I was totally thrown off by the ovary size and eggs.  I was never told that before.  She gave us a plan after the procedure.  She wants to proceed with the surgery- laparoscopy to find out if there is endometriosis.  She said with all my symptoms and esp. the severity of my pain that it was definitely worth checking into.  After the laparocopy she wants us me to come in for the CCCT.  The Clomid Challenge Test is done to check my ovarian reserve or my chances of conceiving.  Since she is concerned with my egg count- she wants to see what this test shows.  But first we must get through surgery.
          April 29 is the day.  We scheduled it to be on April 29 just before I ovulate.  However, just to make sure I don't- I have to go on birth control to stop ovulation this month.  Just what I want to do.  So, Dave took the script to Walgreens tonight on his way to bible study, while I'm at home on here because I have a horrible cold.  It's weird thinking about taking birth control- I haven't taken it in so long.  It almost feels wrong, esp. when you're trying to get pregnant you know? 
          She was very reassuring about the surgery.  I asked her about any complications she has ever had.  She told me she has never had complications.  She told me her biggest concern was my weight and how small I am- so after surgery she will want to monitor me coming off anesthesia.  Of course that sounds real reassuring-lol.   I like her and I know she has done hundreds of these surgeries and that gives me a peace. 
           We're def. ready to go ahead with this and get some answers.  The clomid challenge will be interesting.  It is a fertility drug.  So, there is a chance that you can have twins on it.  But it's only 5% I think.  However, Dave and I have somewhat joked aobut having multiples and that's why God's preparing us all this time.  I would love that.  I know that we can do it. 
          It occurred to me tonight that this waiting process is a blessing in disguise.  How often do babies come unwanted or unexpected.  A woman isn't prepared for any of it.  And here I am, I've had over a year and a  half now to plan, pray, and prepare.  I've also realized how often moms so easily complain about their kids and the craziness they often bring. It's hard to hear them complain now, since we're trying so hard for a child.   But you see that's the blessing.  When that beautiful little blessing or blessings come into our life- we might have a moment of complaining or frustration but everyday I will be reminded of the little miracle God brought us and instead of freely complaining of all the things I have to do, I will be praising God that I have a child crying or a list of things to do.  When we work for something so hard and we pray real hard and we wait and wait and wait- it becomes an even bigger blessing.  Yes, I think this waiting thing is going to make me appreciate the gift of life double-fold. I've walked with the Lord through this one and I will be praising him everyday after- he brings a child into our lives.  I won't take that child for granted because that child came with a price- a price of waiting, praying, and truly seeking the Lord for his power to bring that child to us.  That child will be a daily reminder to me of the awesome power of our Lord Jesus- and that to me is going to be the most amazing gift I could ask God for.
              Although I don't feel all of these things on this youtube video- I feel a lot of them and wanted to share them on here......

So, it was a busy morning at work today, so  I finally got to go to the bathroom at lunch - all to find spotting.  And early!  4 days early than my due date.  What is this?  Of course early spotting I am hoping pregnancy, but the negative pregnancy test upon arriving home reassured me that wasn't the case.  No cramps yet, but it's only day one.  I pray that the cramps are light this month.  We don't want any more trips to the ER. 
Today was a hard day.  We went to lunch with Sunday school class and since one couple has announced their exciting news of having a baby, it seemed to be the whole lunch discussion.  Other couples talking about the possibility of getting pregnant in the next year.  My heart just sinks and I think- are we really going to be last?  How did we start out to be one of the first, and now we're slowly becoming close to the last couple not having a baby.  It's not a race, but it just seems unfair- they didn't have to try this hard or this long.  It just happened for them.  Facebook is worse- every time I go on that thing- I find more high school or college people that are getting pregnant.  It literally seems like everyone is pregnant right now, except us of course. 
       Wednesday we have an Nashville Fertility clinic to meet with the doctor.  I am looking forward to it and hope to get some answers or at least a plan.  I need some hope.  I need to know that it can happen. 
Tonight at bible study- a friend of mine announced that she was 9 weeks prego.  It totally caught me off guard tonight.   And then she announced that it was a total surprise-Valentine's baby.  This makes the news even harder for someone who's been purposeful in trying for  oh 16 months or so.  I'm so happy for them , but somehow each time I find out about someone- I feel this pity party for myself and begin to wonder when it will happen for us.  Will everyone be pregnant around me before me?  A different friend of mine is going through the same thing, only she's been married twice as long.  Just knowing she is going through it brings me encouragement.  I am amazed at her patience.  She has such a desire to be a mommy and I so love that her spirit is still so gentle about the whole thing.  It helps me realize how inpatient I am.  She's an amazing woman of God and I find hope just knowing she is going through it too!  
Well, these past few weeks have been quite eventful.  April 1- was quite the April Fool's Day this year.  I remember last year calling Renee and telling her I wouldn't be able to ride the rides at Disney- letting her assume I was pregnant and getting some joy out of the response of excitement.  Gosh- a whole year ago. 
This year, April Fool's was quite different. Grandma passed away, I had a trip to my OB to find out I need to have surgery, and then found out Christine is pregnant with her 3rd.  The day couldn't have had more going on.  So, here's how the day went.  I went to work like normal.  I had my ob appt. set up after work at 240pm.  While I'm at the grocery store buying groceries for Easter weekend that we are hosting for Dave's parents- I get a call from my sister that grandma had passed moments ago.  That morning she was not doing well- so it wasn't the biggest surprise- but not exactly the place you want to be to find out.  I began tearing while trying to shop in the middle of Walmart.  Needless to say my shopping was over at that point.  I knew I would be going home and there would be no Easter dinner to worry about.  I made it to my OB appt.  which seemed to be the longest wait ever.  She went over all the reasons she believed I had endometriosis and all the reasons she thought it would be wise to have surgery-laparoscopy to determine that- and that this really could be the reason we are not getting pregnant.  However, no guarantees and a sheet I had to sign basically saying I could die- and have serious complications from anesthesia. 
          She had mentioned this option months back, but thought the HSG was the first step and a little less invasive- so we went ahead with that.  Everything up to this point is normal.  No reason we are not conceiving- so this is the next step.  And now that we're here, I'm excited to find out, but also very nervous to have surgery.  Granted it's a minor surgery, but still - it's surgery. 
       When someone ask me to explain my faith- I have always somehow tied trusting the Lord into my statement of faith.  I believe it's a major part of my walk with the Lord.  Looking back I have trusted him an awful lot with some pretty big decisions, and now it's time to trust him again.  I have to trust that He is going to be right there with me through this.  That I can be at peace with doing this and know that the outcome of this could be the beautiful gift of a baby we've been waiting for. 
        I know that He does want good for us- and we have to continue to pray for his plans, his will. 
      I called the Nashville Fertility Clinic today to talk with someone.  Mom mentioned getting a second opinion, so I set up an appt. with a different OB.   But in thinking further about it and knowing our insurance does not require a referral- I called them up and thought I'd at least see if I could get a consultation.  When I called I left a message for them to call me back, but was not thinking when I left the number and left my work number - since I say it all day long.  So, around 4:45 just as I'm about to head out the door, our front office lady tells me I have a call from Melinda from NFC.  I'm like find out who that is, I didn't call anyone.   So she ask- and they say it's personal.  SO, I take the call in the back still not realizing who it is- until she tells me when I pick up.  It clicks.  I am thankful at this point she didn't reveal who she was.  I can't believe I gave them my work number- yikes.  So, in speaking with her, she told me to go to the website and fill out some forms.  We submitted the forms tonight and are now waiting for them to call to set up a consultation. 
        This was very exciting news to me.  Because the Dr. I will be seeing, specializes in laparoscopy and infertility.  It seemed to be a perfect fit.  I'm so excited to go and meet her and find out what she thinks.  Our appt. is supposed to be next Thursday April 15.  Oh the anticipation of what she'll want to do. 
         My period is due on April 17- so we'll see.  This month we def. hit my ovulation- strong positive.  What a thing it would be if I got pregnant and don't have to go ahead with any of this.  A miracle! We'll pray for that.