Well, I got a positive OPK today at work and confirmed when I got home from work.  It was very positive- so here it goes for this month.  At bible study tonight Sam asked me why I had the surgery done and hesitantly I explained the bad cramping and possible endometriosis- the history of pain with my periods.  However, I felt like I was lying and knowing that she is also trying I felt led to speak with her after bible study.  It's such a comfort being able to share with others, at the same time, I still don't want to tell the world our story- not yet.  Anyways, I did get to talk with her and share a little of what was going on and why I really did the surgery.  I was encouraged to know they are also trying and not been successful yet.  It really does make this whole thing easier walking through it with others that understand exactly where you're at and what you're going through.  
          On Saturday night, another dear friend of mine and I had a long discussion about our ''trying".  The efforts, the sadness, the tests, etc.  It was so good to laugh, share, and be honest about this journey God has us on. And although we're at diff. stages of the journey - we share a bond, a bond that only you can understand if you're going through it.  I'm so encouraged to be able to have these girls to talk with now.  I know that in time God will have me share our story with more, but for now, I praise God for friends that understand and can provide me encouragement, hope, and understanding through this.  I pray that we can all walk through this together and that I can be of encouragment to them as well.  I pray that we can all share the wonderful blessing of a child together one day and look back on this time and smile knowing God worked it all out in his timing.  None of know what is ahead or when the day will arrive that we will get that positive pregnancy test, but I assure you we will be overjoyed for each other.  That's what sisters in Christ are for afterall.  I may be sharing their sadness and frustration right now, but I feel like when their day comes and they find out they are pregnant, I will be just as excited for them as I would be for myself, knowing what it took to get them there, and being able to share that with them.  Praise you Lord, for you are so good.
So, we didn't quite make it to the one week mark, but close enough.  Thursday night- Dave got home from work and we were ready.  I was a little unsure of how it would feel- or if I'd be sore, but it went fine.  Better than fine.  And it went so good, we haven't stopped since Thursday night-lol.  Ok, I'll spare you the details- it just makes me happy that it's going well. 
     I detected a faint OPK on Thursday, nothing Friday, faint again today.  Not sure what is going on.  My only guess is, I may have ovulated early due to surgery.  I read that it can make your period come sooner, which would mean an earlier ovulation.  Or, what I would rather be the case is I haven't ovulated yet and will detect it come Day 14 which is tomorrow.  My period is supposed to come June 5 or 6- and as much as I wanted to be pregnant for Mother's Day, I'm thinking Father's Day would be even better.  This way I can suprise Dave.  I love doing that!    And he would never suspect anything that day.  We're not really expecting this month to be the month, but God can do it.  I've read some pretty discouraring stuff online about the best time to conceive is 6-18 months after laparoscopy.  Tears swelled in my eyes and I thought that's where we are now -18 month- can I do this for 18 more?  I try not to think about that and hope that we're one of the couples that gets pregnant right after surgery.  Because my endometriosis was not severe- pregnancy following may not be likely.  Women with severe cases of endometriosis are very likely to conceive right after surgery because of all the stuff that is removed.  But for women like me that have a mild case of it, studies do not show a whole incease in pregnancy rates afterwards.  Again, very discouraging. 
        One of the nights following surgery- I was reading about the statistics and with tears and a very sore and tender abdomen wondered why I even went through with it.  Was it worth it?  Then I begin doubting the surgery- did I need it- did they really remove anything?  You really have to trust medical people completey when you have surgery and when you're a medical person like myself that's hard because you know how flawed they are- you know that they make mistakes everyday.  You're all too aware of all the things that could go wrong and all the things neccessary for them to do so that things go right.  It really messes with my head. 

Well, we're almost to the one week mark.  This week at work has been ok.  I feel so tired quickly and by the end of the day I'm beat.  Of course our schedule doesn't allow for rest-lol.  I've had something every night this week including bunco with the laides and a bachelorette party- that I think I'll be skipping out on so I can just stay home and rest. 
   Everyday has gotten better.  I think my scar on my belly button bothers me most- it feels hard and I don't like touching it.  For some reason it grosses me out- I could never be a surgeon I have learned.  The other two scars don't seem to bother me much.   I am still a little sore, but have stopped taking all tylenol and motrin.  Eating is still not the most appealing to me.  I have the desire to eat, and then I take a bite and blah- my tummy says- no.  Somehow I have not managed to lose any weight- seriously- how do you not eat for 4 days and then eat half of what you used to and still weigh the same- this I do not understand.  Oh well.
          Making love is still a little scary to me.  The location of the scars and where I am sore make me very hesitant to get back into it.  I know that it will be fine, but I just don't want to have bad pain or rush into it.  We're hoping to start "trying" come Friday when I ovulate.  I will begin testing tommorrow. 
         I'm closing with my current favorite song by Amy Grant:  Better than a Hallelujah.  It's so encouraging and it reminds me that God takes even our miseries and turns them into melodies.  Amen.  Thank you God that you can turn my pain, sorrows, and grief into melodies. 

Well, surgery is happening this Friday. My period arrived Monday morning, so I called Dr. Lucas and they said we could go ahead with the surgery.  I was thrilled to know that I would be getting it done and over with this week. Yeah!  Of course at the same time- it was kind of sudden.  There wasn't much preparing for it.  Even though we knew it might happen that Friday, I don't think we planned for it.  Maybe that was better, less time for my mind to wonder or worry. 

Thursday was my Pre-op appt.  I went to 100 Oaks- Vandy to get some blood work done and be examined quickly by the anesthia team.  They wanted to make sure that I wouldn't have problems that following day for my surgery.  They ran a pregnancy test too.  My first blood pregnancy test.  Sad, it wasn't for a second reassuring test to confirm a urine test.  But I believe that will come soon.  The rest of my day I tried to enjoy.  I went shopping, cleaned a little, tried to prepare for tomorrow.  My mind did a couple times quesiton- what if this was my last day to live- what would I want to do?  My mind goes to the weirdest places.  Of course i kept thinking what if the anesthesia goes wrong, what if I don't wake up, what if this is my last day, what if I die?  Seriously, this is a minor surgery, and I kept coming back to the fact that God is in control and if it's my time to go, it's going to happen. 

We left for Vandy at 7:30AM.  We arrived yesterday at Vanderbilt for my surgery about 830.  Mom and Dad arrived early this AM so it was the four of us that went to the hopsital.   I was nervous last night and extremely moody- not eating makes you very irritable and moody.  How do people become anorexic.  I would never survive.  Or should I say Dave would never survive.  It was awful.  I wanted to eat and I couldn't and I was so mean. The magnesium citrate was not too bad- very lemony but carbonated so the 8oz I had to drink wasn't as bad as I had imagined.  And well, the effects of course did not come til the morning of the surgery- go figure. I kept waiting and waiting for that stuff to kick in and then the morning of surgery- goodness- it started working.  This of course made me more nervous.  I kept thinking- I'm going to be laying on that table for surgery and have no control over my bowels. Talk about embarassing.

Once we arrived to the hospital, we checked in.  The ladies were like- you look way too healthy to be having surgery.  They checked me in and then sent me to another check in.  Of course when we got there, it was Ms. Judy.  I used to work with Ms. Judy at Vandy on 7C.  It was so good to see a familiar face.  She was so happy to see me too!  She came around the desk and gave me a big hug.  Then we were taken to the back and put in a room.  The nurses came in right away to get my vitals and start an IV.  The IV went in smoothly.  Then about 7 people came to the room to tell me who they were and they would be a part of the surgery team.  It was very professional.  They all checked my ID band and date of birth.  They all asked me if I had eaten anything and what surgery I was having done that day.  It was very reassuring they knew what they were doing.  My parents got to meet Dr. Lucas too!  So that was good.  Anesthesia came in finally and started me on some drugs- they took action fast, because I don't remember much else after they gave me the drugs.  They must have knocked me out quick. 

The next thing I remember if waking up in recovery.  It was about 130pm.  So my surgery took about 1.5 hr.  I was so drowsy and it took all I had to keep my eyes open.  They immediately came to me when I woke up and were trying to get me to drink and pee.  Of course when you can barely keep your eyes open, drinking and peeing are big tasks.  So I felt like I had to pee, so  they helped me to the bathroom and I sat and waited and nothing.    Tried to drink and took two sips and then vomitted.  I was so nauseated.  So no pee and no drinking.  I was not doing good at this point.  Then the nurse drugged me more since I had nausea.  I woke up 4 hours later and again after 3 more attempts to pee I was unsuccessful.  Drinking caused more vomitting and I had to stop the nurse from giving me more drugs- I was like I can deal with the vomiting, but I don't want to be drowsy anymore.  Please don't  give me that.  So she held it.  Dr. Lucas finally came in to see me and was suprised I was still there.  They told him I was having a hard time waking up- they apparently gave me way too much anesthesia.  So, then the nurse gave me the option to go home with  a catheter.  Whicih I did not want to do, but it was that or stay overnight.  So I gladly went home with a catheter.  That thing hurt so bad.  I had to keep it in until 12 pm the next day.  I was counting down the hours til that thing could come out.  It was awful. 
  The whole day was a blur.  I think the worst part for me was feeling that drowsy- like there was nothing I could do about it. I felt trapped laying there.  It was so good to finally be awake.  That night Dave and dad went to Sonic for some food- they had waited to eat with me.  However, after attempting to eat two fries I vomitted them up.  So, we wrapped my meal for the next day and went back to cranberry juice and sprite and crackers.  I was hungry but my body wasn't ready for food.
     That night, mom and I and Dave watched Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.  I had recorded it Thursday so we could watch it after my surgery.  Then we went to bed.  I slept ok for about 4 hours and then woke up because that darn catheter was bothering me and I felt like I was on fire- so I got a temperature and it was only 99.4.  So about 3 Am I went out to the recliner and turned the TV on and then slept 4 more hours out in the family room.  Everyone else woke up about 730. 
      That morning I just was waiting for 11 to roll around- because I decieded at 11 we were taking the catheter out no matter what.  Dave went to his golf tourney he had set up that morning- of course after I told him he could go- he was worried to leave me, but I told him i would be fine- my mom and dad were here.  So, 11 Am- mom and I were in the bathroom getting that thing out.  It hurt like crazy taking it out, but it was out and that's all that mattered, no more walking around carrying my pee.  I hope I never have to have one of those again. 
        Things got better after that.  I began to eat, pee on my own. I took a decent shower and we took a walk.  Then later that day, we went shopping.  We came back and played some games and then watch The Ultimate Gift with mom. Dad went to bed.  Then Sunday morning woke up for church.  It's weird- it all happened so fast- it's like it didnt' really happen, until I look down at my abdomen and see those 3 scars and then realize it did happen. 

We can resume making love in a week- which is day 12 of my cycle- perfect timing to make a baby.   But we'll see.  Only time will tell.

Happy Mother's Day! 
I knew today would be a little rough on me.  With Dave's parents here, I was very distracted which was probably good, but overall the day reminded me that I am not a mother.  This morning I still have not gotten my period and decided to take a pregnancy test this AM- well, it was a NOT PREGNANT.  What a thing to read on Mother's Day.  Not exactly a good Mother's Day gift.  Service was good as Pastor Mike spoke about marriages.  After service, we went to Martin's for some barbecue and then headed out to Arrington Vineyards for wine tasting.  It was such a pretty day.  Sunny, nice breeze. 
        All day I was waiting for my period to start, but it never did.   Perhaps it will come tomorrow.  I really need for my period to come tomorrow- so I can do my surgery Friday.  I 'm waiting for it- but it isn't cooperating. 
So I have to laugh at the early pregnancy symptoms because I get these every month, and well, it doesn't turn out to be pregnancy for me. I think someone needs to do a little review of these and rewrite them.   Let's review................... 

Abdominal Achiness- well, I have that all the time, so check
Appetite, Increased- Every month during a certain part of my cycle my appetite increases- so check.
Backache- do we even have to ask this one- it's a given.
Bloating- every month
Bloodshot Eyes- ocassionally yes.
Constipation- now this- I feel is def. worse this month.
Food Cravings and Aversions- well, ask Dave- I have food cravings all the time.  Although today I couldnt' eat much of anything without feeling full and nothing seemed to taste real good.
Forgetfulness- now this one gets me- everyone has episodes of this.
Headaches- daily.
Heartburn or Indigestion- ocassionally.
Heightened Sense of Smell-  My sense of smell is so good already, I can't imagine what it will be like when I'm pregnant.  Tonight at the gas station- the gas smelled really strong to me- and Dave didn't notice. 
Metallic Taste (Dysgeusia)- I swear one month I had this too!
Nausea (Morning Sickness)- now this is the only one I think I haven't lost faith in- because I have not ever had this. 
Pelvic Discomfort and Pressure- Assuming this is from my UTI
Urination, Frequent- UTI causes that.

Well, You can see the positive attitude I have about all of these, and moreso the firm belief in any of these symptoms that supposedly present during early pregnancy.  I have to say, not one of them would convince me esp. since after watching for these for this long and experiencing every one of them at least once- I 'm not sure I can say I have much faith in them.  I can honestly say, I have prayed for God wake me up one morning vomiting so I will know.  Give me a sure strong sign that I am pregnant.    I'm the only crazy person I know that is praying that she will wake up vomiting one morning.  What is wrong with me?  If I can rejoice in morning sickness, you know I'm ready for this.
     Ok, so I got on this miracle month thing and anxiousy took a pregnancy test today and well, it was negative.  Perhaps I just tested too early, but I was really believing that it would be positive.  I prayed on my way home that it would be positive.  My period isn't actually due for another 6 days, so I suppose it could be too early. 
    I was even pscyhed up on my way home, because I felt weird today- felt slightly nauseous at one point, and then couldn't eat anything - I would take a bite and then feel full like blah. 
    I've discovered that the clearblue brand- which is supposed to detect pregnancy a whole 6 days early is not my kind of test.  I'll tell you why.  It's bad enough to not see the double line on a cheapo pregnancy, but it's worse to see NOT PREGNANT. It's like it's staring back at you and laughing- hahaha- you're not pregnant again.  For real, when a pregnancy test is talking to you, you've got problems or you've taken way too many.  AH!  Seriously, I think I'm going to ban myself from taking the ones that actually say that- I can deal with one line but words are just too much these days.