We got great news today!  Dave’s sperm are in excellent condition.  That’s so good to know.  After 6 months of trying and no success, the doctor suggested we do a semen analysis.  We just wanted to make sure it wasn't the sperm.  There was no reason to believe it was Dave, but it was a simple test to run to make sure things were ok.   It does help me relax a little more.   In some way we feel like we got an answer to things.  Now we know that the sperm are doing their job just fine.  And well, if nothing else, we're one step closer to knowing we can make a baby:)

Month 6:

Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not in your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will give you the desires of your heart.  I do believe this and I know that the Lord knows our desires and that gives me such a peace.  Because even after 6 months of no success, we can have a hope and peace that the Lord has a beautiful plan that will unfold in his timing.  What a joyous day it will be to see that plan unfold. 

 

Dave did do a semen analysis on June 24.  We will find out the results in a few days and I’m just praying for an answer.  Perhaps in some ways I hope it is him- and we will have an answer, a reason.  In other ways I hope nothing is wrong and that we can keep on pressing on knowing nothing is wrong.  

Life is just hard sometimes.  This month seems to be falling apart.  After getting my period again- which is always not good, I feel like I’m weighed down with so many decisions.  Decisions I wish someone could make for me.  But they can’t, I just have to go to God and seek his face and pray that he gives me a peace about the decisions I do make.

I got to visit my nephews this month and that always brings me such joy.  It really opened my eyes to what being a mommy is really going to be like.  It was a lot of fun but it’s hard work.  My sister is such a beautiful mom.  She loves those boys with all her heart and she pours her heart and soul into them day and night.  There is never a break- it’s a full time job without a doubt and hardly do you get praise for the daily tasks that no one sees you do.

I totally respect my sister for the mother she is.  I have never doubted her being a good mother or the time and energy she pours into her boys, but it’s different when you see it firsthand. It's different when you stay with them and see the daily routine and all that goes into it.  She would go through anything for those boys without hesitation.  A love for a child is stronger than any other.   

I also am learning kids require constant attention and time esp. in the beginning. I mean I know this, but even more so when you see all the little things that go into a day.   I already pray that God is in the center of our marriage always.  I pray that kids bring us even closer together as we see a different love expressed from each other into a child we both created.  I pray that we really don’t sweat the small stuff.  I pray that we can keep each other first, and let our kids be second.  It’s a lot easier to say than to do as I’ve seen so often the kids replace the relationship one has with their spouse. 


Our drive home from the weekend in Valpo was filled with our thoughts on kids.  Yes, we have been trying and we both want them.  I began to question if we were ready for that.  More so, am I ready for that.  I feel like I might not be ready to give up that time I have with just my husband and our special get away weekends and doing whatever we want to do whenever we want to do it.  We take that for granted, but seeing it makes me realize all of that decreases when a child comes.  I can’t wait for the many blessings a child will bring, but at the same time, I never want to lose the love we share now with each other.  I don’t want our kids to take over our lives and forget what we had before they came along. 

The Lord knows my heart and my deepest thoughts.  I know that because he knows me so well and Dave so well, that a child will come at the right time.   I have always prayed even when I was on birth control that a child would come in his timing.  Last month we found out that another couple friend of ours is pregnant.  It opened my eyes to what God can do, because they weren’t even trying- in fact, they were not even thinking it was possible because she’s had some health issues. 

Anyways, I was frustrated at first- another couple’s pregnant- and it’s not us.  But after thinking on it- I realized how awesome the Lord is.  Ultimately Dave and I can do everything right- we can time things right, we can read all the right books, and follow all the right "tricks" they recommenced doing (some of which I am beginning to think are made up - just to see who's silly enough to try them), we can do all those crazy things internet says. BUT, in the end, the Lord is in control and he will be the one that makes it happen, not those silly internet recommendations .  God is the author of this child of ours.  We are not. 
There is a new song I have come to enjoy on my drive to work in the morning-……..

You can take away everything that I’ve been holding, you can take away the sun.  You can take away the very breath that I’ve been breathing, but you can’t take away my God. 

Satan can try all kinds of things, but he can’t take away my God.  He can even take away my fertility or mess with our minds, but he won’t ever take away my God.  Amen!