I completed my first antibiotic and now on to the second one.  I will begin tomorrow.  Hopefully this month won't be a total wash and we can get into the office before I ovulate so we can possibly do a treatment this month.  I have no idea what he's going to say, but it would be nice to get some kind of idea what he's thinking.  Answers- all I want is some answers.  No more test, no more medicine, no more waiting- somebody give me an answer.  So, the next 14 days we'll be on our second antxb.  And this one is worse because it's 4x/day.  The Cipro was not bad but it gave me horrible leg cramps.  I've never had cramps that bad in my legs before.   My friend has them bad right now but she is pregnant- which makes sense.  I'm obviously not pregnant- so I'm not sure why I have them.  Maybe it's contagious or something. 
        14 days from tomorrow when I begin the antitiotic will be October 10.  Right now we have an appt with Dr. V on Oct 14 since we can't go in until our test results report.  And the one supposedly takes 3 weeks.  If by chance it reports sooner- we will go in Oct 7 before we leave for home.  I'm hoping this is the case so we will have some news before the wknd going home.    I am due to ovulate Oct 28 or so, so we could possibly do something before October ends.  I just keep thinking 3 months- we have October, November and December before the end of the year and insurance changes.  Dave will find out in October what his new insurance plan covers.  Hopefully they cover infertility like it does now.  We can only pray it does.    But maybe we won't need to worry about it at that time.  Maybe I'll be pregnant by the end of the year.    Do Lord oh do Lord oh do remember us. 
                        I went to Dr. V's office this morning to get my Lupron shot and do the Lupron Challenge test.  Since my period came last Thursday, today was the best time to go in.  I got there early so I was the first one called back.  I didn't know exactly what to expect since I've never done this before.  First they drew 8 tubes of blood.  Apparently they run all kinds of labs- HIV, STD's, hormones, etc.  Then I went to another room for a vaginal ultrasound so they could measure my uterus and ovaries. I'm getting quite sick of these vaginal ultrasounds and looking at my uterus with nothing in it.  I can't wait for the day when I will ge t to do an ultrasound and actually see a baby in there.  
                   Last I got my Lupron shot.  It was a very small amt.    I wasn't there very long and go to work about 915.  Tomorrow I will have my co-worker draw hormone levels he is allowing me to do at our office so I don't have to return again.
              My co-worker drew my blood this AM.  I got the labs ready to be picked up that evening.  One of the tests he ordered was inhibin B- I've never heard of that.  I tried to look it up and find out what it was and still don't know why he's running it.  I called the lab and they told me the turnaround time on it was 2 weeks.  So I called CRH and told the nurse we had set our follow up appt. with Dr. V for Sept 30 to go over lab results and everything but that there was a lab they told me takes 2 weeks.  So she checked on it and told me it takes 3 weeks- so we had to change our appt. to Oct 14.  
             I feel like the more I want this to happen the less things go my way.  And now feeling a little more anxious with the end of the year coming and Dave's insurance changing, I really want to be able to take advantage of everyday, every cycle we have.    Except these little hiccups keep occuring that delay us.  First the antxb, now a lab test.  It just doesn't seem to go our way. 
            All I can say is more and more I keep praying for multiples- thinking this is God's plan for us and he's really preparing us.    Lord, hear me when I say I would glady take that blesssing even with all the hard work and sleepless nights, I would glady take multiple healthy children. 
 Today I saw Dr. Lucas.  I think Thursdays are now my official appt. day.  It seems every Thursday I am going to at least one doctor.  It's sad that I can't even keep up with them all.  Anyways, today I had an appt. with Dr. Lucas.  The nurse called me and back and when we got to the room she asked- what brings you in today and I replied- I don't know I think he wanted to follow up again.  We laughed- I didn't really know why I was there.   I was hoping he did. 
              Dr. Lucas comes in shortly- I never have to wait real long there which is really nice.    He goes over my period and asked me when my last period was and I said - well wouldn't you know it started this AM.   Of course.  So,  he went over some thougths he had and said we need to get your pregnant.  He seemed a little frustrated and I think he actually thought I would be pregnant by now.  Which only frustrates me more wondering why I am not.    
                He asked me about the Prometrium and I told him it had given me bad cramps and after a few months of taking it I decided just to stop.  He said it shouldn't cause cramps and felt strongly that the cramps were unrelated to the prometrium.    Then he came up with a plan for this next cycle.  He wants me to take Doxycycline to help lengthen my cycle.  How an antxb. is going to do that I'm not sure.  I asked him if vaginal infections could cause infertility and he replied no.  I didn't tell him that another doctor thought so and that we are currenlty on antitibiotics now to get rid of the infection.  But at the same time, he wants to put me on an antibiotic too.  None of it is making sense. 
          He didn't examine me at all today but did decide to draw some blood- thyroid function tests.  I'm like- these are normal - I can tell you that.  I've had my thyroid checked numerous times at previous physicals and even during the infertility journey early on and they've all been normal.  But he wanted to proceed.  At this point, I go with the flow- since we have met our insurance deductible- I say do what you want- injection - sure, blood draw- great, another vaginal ultrasound- why  not.  My body is becoming used to being poked and proded these days.  If it gets us a baby or a few babies I'm fine going through with it.  Whatever it takes.  
           So, I left there confused.  Not sure what I was going to do since Dave and I are already on antibiotics and now I'm supposed to take another one.  Well, after talking with Dave- we decided to finish out the one we're currently on.    We have one more to take after this one.  I picked up the rx Dr. L prescribed but I'm not going to take it.  Then he wants me to draw progesterone levels on Oct 4 based on my cycle.  So, I will draw that at my office and fax the results to him.  In the meantime, we're doing nothing.  More waiting.  Not sure I feel like I got any answers today. 

             So I had my yearly exam today with Dr. Bell.   It was the normal pap smear- nothing real exciting.  Sitting in a room waiting for the doctor to come in-  wearing that awful gown that doesn't cover much of anything.  I think I only sat there in the gown 40 minutes today- not bad.  All for a 5 minute exam and I was out of there.  
           On my way home, I got a call from CRH- Nurse Sarah.  I didn't think I was going to get any results prior to our appt with him in 3 weeks, so I was a little suprised by her call.  She went on to say that most of the vaginal cultures were negative, except for 2.  I apparently have e-coli and enterococcus in my vagina - both of which can cause infertility or miscarriage.  I know that some vaginal bacterias are normal so I questioned the nurse quite extensively to figure out how I got these bacterias.  You know me as a nurse I'm always skeptical of things.   She went on to say it's the transfer of stool to the vagina.  I'm like wait a second- I am a nurse- I am very hygenic- that's not possible.    She said well we usually don't wash our hands before we us the bathroom- so it's probably from your normal objects you touch during the day and they get transported to the vagina while going to the bathroom.  She also mentioned since Dave could have it and we could pass it back and forth- we both have to be treated with 2 weeks of 2 antibiotics.   Of course they can't be treated with the smae one.  Or it might be 4 weeks if we can't take them at the same time.  Oh joy.  More medicine to take. 
           So I then asked her is this really going to make a difference in helping us get pregnant and she replied- I have seen women get pregnant once they've been treated.  So I said ok, fine.    She said Dr. Vasquez wouldn't start any rounds of IUI or any kind of assisting pregnancy until this bacteria was gone.  So, another delay in getting pregnant.  Seriously- right when I think we're close- we have a setback.  The good news is we will get to go ahead with the lupron challenge test.  So I am happy about that.  And Dave and I will begin our antxb. treatment tomorrow so we can get thi over with.  The sooner we complete these antxb. the sooner we can get started on having a baby.  Unless of course something else comes up. 

      I decided to be done with the Doxycycline a day early.  Of course I'm paranoid that I could be pregnant and so it worries me to take this antibioitic that says in bold print- DO NOT TAKE IF PREGNANT.  And somehow even after almost 2 years of trying I still worry about stuff like this.  I just can't imagine trying this long and then doing something that could potentially be harmful to my baby. 
   I am now one of those people that have so many doctors and doctors appointments I can't keep them all straight.  This Thursday I forgot I have an appt. with my OBGYN until they called tonight with a friendly reminder.  Thank goodness - I would have missed it otherwise.  It's just for my yearly exam- don't get too excited.  I wish I could say it was for something different but no.  And then we're still waiting on my period to come so I can go back to Dr. Vasquez to start the Lupron Challenge test, and then next Thursday I am following up with Dr. Lucas.  Oh and that same day a chiropracter appt. with Dr. Dagen.  No wonder I can't keep them straight.   
     The idea of twins sounds more and more exciting.  Don't get me wrong- I know it would be a lot of work, but when you try this long and this hard- you almost feel like you deserve something extra special.  I was talking to God the other night and got this big smile on my face- like maybe that is His plan..  I really got this feeling inside that we will have twins.  I don't know what it is but I just have this feeling.    Maybe He does have something really big in store for us and he is really preparing us for that- so that instead of taking them for granted or being annoyed by twins- Dave and I will be overjoyed.  We will not only want them but we'll thank God for such a special blessing.  I know regardless God's hand are on the situation- and whether we have one, two, three, or four- all at once or over time- they will all be special blessings from him and we will cherish each and everyone He gives us.
As you have read in Karen's posts, we are on our second try with a Fertility Doctor.  It is obvious we are both tired of trying with no success.  Not to say that we're tired of the trying part, but we are tired of the no success part.  Really God, how long will you make us wait?  And why?

Those are the types of questions that can only be answered after the fact, if ever.  So, we are really hoping and praying that God uses this Doctor to make our little miracle happen.  At what point to do you say, enough is enough, and quit going to Doctor's and just let things go and move on?  Neither of us is ready to give up by any means.  What would be really cool is to be able to see family for the Holidays and surprise them with the news.  We know they are all just waiting.  We are convinced they know we are trying, though we haven't told them.

So, how does all of this make me feel?  There are several things.  Frustrated; Tired; Baffled; Impatient.  Frustrated because I cannot control this process any more than I can control my hair growing.  If it were my plans, we'd be on our second by now, not still trying for our first.  Tired because it has been, at times, such work for us, and so much goes into this process, especially when it doesn't work (Side thought:  maybe God is using this time to help us get used to the hard work and time that comes with having a child).

Baffled because there are so many stories and so many people with advice and an opinion.  So many women can get pregnant with just a look from their husbands.  Sometimes I wish they could understand the pain and heartache my wife has gone through and I know they would totally appreciate their lives and their kids a whole lot more.  Impatient because I really want to know how much longer this process will take for us (and will it happen for the second child also?).  I am getting Impatient with God because I have no idea why He is not giving us the blessing and why my wife cannot conceive (i do not blame her at all).

To some women in our culture, the ability to be treated equal and given an equal chance at their job is the definition of success, and there is nothing wrong with that.  But to the other part of women in the culture, the crowning achievement and what really identifies them as successful, competent, and assigns value to them in the eyes  of others is the ability to first have kids, and then successfully raise them.

So, I'll leave you with this.  God, why have you not given this to my wife?  Why are so many other women getting what she deserves?  She is totally worth it and deserving of it.  And God, you know it to be true.  Now is the time to act!
            Saline infusion sonohysterography refers to a procedure in which fluid is instilled into the uterine cavity transcervically to provide enhanced endometrial visualization during transvaginal ultrasound examination.  The technique improves sonographic detection of endometrial pathology, such as polyps, hyperplasia, cancer, leiomyomas, and adhesions.  Dr. Vasquez performed this on me today to take a good look at my uterine cavity as well as gather some cultures from my endometrium to make sure the cells are normal.  Dave and I arrived to the clinic and shortly thereafter I was called back.  I had to gown up, put on a hat, and botties before entering the procedure room.  I also had to empty my bladder.  The nurse Jan took me back and immediately gave me a valium and two shots in my bootie to help me relax- I think it was phenergan and toradol.  That stuff made me so relaxed - I could have cared a less what they were doing to me.  As scared as I was about the medicine - I'm glad they gave it to me.  It's nerveracking enough to have to lay there with your legs spread eagle and a doctor inside looking around and the medicine took all my cares away for sure.  I didn't feel too much other than the cervical nerve block he put in- it burned a little bit.  From there on out, I didn't feel much- the whole thing probably took 15 minutes as he gathered samples of my tissue and watched the saline go through my tubes.  Which he did tell me it went through- so that was good to know.   After he was finished, I was told to lay there another 30 minutes to let the medicine wear off a little bit.  I warned the nurse after my surgery I had a hard time waking up and I probably would be woozy for a while.  
          I think I must have had about 8 dreams while lying there- I felt like I was in such a deep sleep.  She came back in the room and helped me to the bathroom to change back into my clothes.  And then rolled me down in a wheelchair outside to where Dave was parked and waiting for me.   While I was in the procedure room- they collected a semen analysis from Dave and some bloodwork.   The bloodwork caught him off guard and I think he was a little weak afterwards- because we hadn't eaten lunch prior to arriving.   I wasn't as silly as I was after my GI scope, more tired than anything.  Dave and I grabbed a bite to eat at BlueCoast Burrito on our way home and then when we got back I took a 3 hour nap before we went to our family's house to tutor them. 
            I am currently on Doxycycline to prevent any infection from the procedure.  I have to take 2 tabs/day for 7 days.  Not bad.  The pharmacist asked to make sure I wasn't pregnant and we both laughed.  However, a small part of me worries I am since I'm on this medicine that is harmful to a fetus.  We did it a few days in a row right before ovulation and then today I ovulated right in  time for the test.  They like to do the test before ovulation just to make sure you're not pregnant.  I just keep thinking what if this was the month and we should have waited.  I know it sounds odd- but I don't want to do anything harmful if there is a baby just barely starting out in there.  But at this point, we would have no idea if anything was forming in there.  Dr. Vasquez said no sex for 2 weeks and no tampons for 3 weeks.  I'm thinking to myself - wow- that's a long time, and not to mention- what am I going to do when my period comes and I can't wear a tampon- we're in big trouble.  I'm going to have to go find the biggest mega super soaker pad out there.
           So now we anxiously await my period to arrive so we can proceed with the Lupron Challenge test and then once that's completed we will go over all the results with Dr. Vasquez.  At that point, we should have a plan of action.  I am excited and nervous- 3 weeks- more waiting.  I am trying to think positively - that maybe by October we could be pregnant- if we proceed with IUI or IVF and even with multiples at that.  But my cautious heart reminds me to remain calm and wait to see what he even has to tell us.  I don't want to jump ahead of myself.  But while we wait we will be doing a lot of praying.