So, yesterday I ended up calling the office and telling them I had gotten my surge.  I figured I would need to go in Thursday ( my day off) just to avoid the hastle of trying to get off work and then explain why etc.  So, Thursday comes- I take another ovulation test that morning- and I get a surge- a dark line.  This gives me confidence, but technically the procedure is supposed to be the day after the surge, so not all that confident starting out. 
         Dave went in that morning before work to provide his sample and then I arrived to the office at 1030am to have the IUI procedure done.  I arrive right on time and got called back rather quickly.  I didn't see Dr. CW this time, but I believe a nurse called me back.  I emptied my bladder and met her in a room.  She showed me Dave's collection- and verified that it was his- and showed me how the numbers matched in 3 places and then left the room so I could undress waist down.   I'm lying on this table praying that everything does work out and this is our solution.  I put my feet up in the stirrups and she puts Dave's sperm through this catheter and then inserts it into my cervix to release the sperm.  It's crazy how they do this.  Because of our insurance situation and NFC not taking our insurance at this time, we opted to go the cheap route this time and so there was no ultrasound to confirm if I had any eggs available and ready.  I almost regreted that we didn't do it because it's going to drive me crazy not knowing if there were even any eggs there for those sperm.  I have no way of knowing.  I pray that Clomid increased my egg count tenfold and that there were eggs ready to go when we did the IUI. 
          After the procedure, I was told to lay there for 15 minutes.  While I was lying there I was just praying that everything works out- that all the little pieces to this puzzle would come together and make us a baby.  A healthy baby or babies.  The 15 minutes seemed like an eternity because my mind went to a thousand places while I was lying there.  Finally my time was up and I went up front to check out and be on my way. 
            I called Dave after the procedure and told him I think it went well.  We met for lunch at Chipotle and talked about our excitement that I could be pregnant.  We were both beaming with smiles just of the possibility.  This whole day will never be forgotten if it works. 

So today was a great day.  It's my older sister's birthday, and my 3rd nephew was born today- early this morning at 645am.  He's precious.  I can't wait to hold him next week.  He's got a full head of hair already. 
          So, I've been doing OPK's like crazy- I've never taken this many in such a short time period.  I was little anxious to get a positive today since I am off tomorrow and would love to go in tomorrow for the IUI.  Then I don't miss work and it's not a big ordeal trying to get off or come in late and then explain.  So, I took a few yesterday that all showed faint lines.  Again today they were faint.  Tomorrow is day 13 of my cycle which is usually when I ovulate.  I called NFC today and told the nurse I had two days of faint lines and had all the signs of ovulating but wasn't sure since Dr. CW told me it might be different due to the clomid I took.  She said we should get you in  tomorrow for your IUI.  So Dave is scheduled for 9 am to give his sample and then they will wash the semen and pick out all the good sperm.  Then I arrive at 1030am to get the sperm placed inside of me in hopes that they connect with my eggs.     I'm afraid tomorrow might be too early since I haven't gotten a true strong LH surge.  And of course reading online they say the highest chance is the day of ovulation which is the day after you get the LH surge.  So if I get my surge tomorrow- we will be a day early.  Well, I can't stress about it- if it's meant to be it's meant to be. 
            I've been praying all week on my way to work.  All the while realizing how truly amazing this whole procedure really is- because even with the intricate timing of everything- ultimately it is God who is going to get us pregnant and it's his hand on this that will make it work, not anything else.  So, I have to trust tomorrow is the day and go foward and pray hard that it works.  I can't stop the smile on my face when I even think that in 2 weeks I could find out I'm pregnant which absolutely thrills me. 

As you read in Karen's previous post, she is now taking Clomid.  I think we were both getting to the point where she was getting tired of being dissapointed and I was getting tired of seeing her dissapointed.  For any guys reading this, you can understand what I am about to say.  When your wife is frustrated, sad, tired, sick, hurt or any other thing you cannot contol, it drives you nuts.  While I would like to be able to keep her from being dissapointed about where we are in the process of getting pregnant, I know I cannot, especially since it is such a desire for us both.

So, seeing her excited is a welcome change of pace and gets me excited about it too!  Heck, we could be pregnant by mid-November.  How awesome is that?  I could come back from my only business trip, as well as a friend's wedding that weekend in Austin, and find out that I am finally gonna be a dad!  So, finally, something positive to keep us going!

During Sunday School this morning, we were talking about when Lazarus died.  One of the questions was why did Jesus wait a few more days before he left to go to Bethany?  I think it was agreed that, while his friendship with Lazarus and his family (Mary and Martha) as important, it was more important to do the work of His father.  This made me start thinking of God's Sovereignty in our life, our walk, and where we stand in this process.

For me, there are two parts to God's sovereignty; the part I do not understand (God said in his word "your thoughts are not my thoughts and your ways are not my ways") and the part in which I take great comfort (the Bible describes the Spirit as the Comforter).  It is very easy for me to fall into the comforter part because while there, I am protected from a lot of things that might potentially hurt me.  One thing I am learning, slowly, is that the Comforter role is to not try to avoid those things that hurt, but to run to Him for healing once I have been hurt.

So, to bring things full circle.  I do not understand why we have had so much trouble.  I hurt to see my wife hurting.   I hope I can meditate more on that aspect of God's Soverignty during this time and allow myself to feel the pain my wife feels at us  not getting pregnant and be able to then go together into Jesus's healing arms.  He is in control and loves us very much, even if we hurt right now.  His will for our lives will come to bear and He will be glorified through it.  Amen!

Today I went to NFC to meet with Dr. CW.  I told Dave not to miss work for this appt. because I was basically taking in all our paperwork and charts and bloodtests to go over everything with her.  I wanted a second opinion and I wanted a more aggressive plan of action.  Dr. V was just prescribing antxb. and we were done with that.  I gathered copies of our medical charts the day prior so I would be ready to go today.
         I arrived on time, and got called back pretty quickly.  This wasn't my first time there or my first time meeting dr. CW but it had been several months since Dave and I were there last, so I was anxious to see what she had to say.  The last time we saw her she had reccommended laparoscopy surgery which I had done in May, and a clomid challenge test, which Dr. V did a Lupron test which is somewhat equivalent.  I felt confident going in that with all the testing we've had done, we would be ready to move forward FINALLY.
           She came in the room quickly and sat down and went over the whole chart with me- all our bloodwork, labs, tests.  She was not suprised of our experience with Dr.V, which made me wonder how I ever ended up there or how I didn't know he was crazy to begin with, but thanks to insurance we went there.  After talking with her and going over everything, she requested a vaginal ultrasound so she could get a look at my ovaries and egg count.  It was cycle day 6 for me which apparently was a good time for me to go in.  I've now had 3 periods in October- since I went on that birth control for  short time and then came off of it after a week- it induced an extra period for me- oh joy!  But it seemed to be a good thing for this reason.  After the ultrasound we went back to the room to go over what she found.   She told me my egg count is very low for my age and a blood test- AMH- confirms that I may have problems with conceiving.  She right away wanted to try IUI a few times, but may end up doing IVF for success.  Since I was on Day 6 of my cycle- she wanted me to start Clomid today and take it for 5 days before we do our very first round of IUI. 
              I couldn't believe it.  IUI- already- 1 week away- it almost seems crazy that we've been through so much and now next week we are going to do IUI.  Finally- we're getting somewhere.  IUI won't be too expensive for us- probably about $500 with no monitoring this round.  I'm just going to take the Clomid and do home ovulation testing.  When I detect my LH surge- I am to call the office to schedule the IUI for the next day.  It's best to do it about 24 hours or 36 hours after ovulation.  Of course with work this doesn't make things easy.  Dave and I will both have to figure out work schedules and getting off to be there for the timing of this all.  And this all of course depends on detecting that LH surge.  We have no way of knowing when that will be.  I'm going to start testing tomorrow which is my last day of Clomid, but I've read you typically don't ovulate until 5 days after you've stopped Clomid.  Which puts us at Saturday.  And of course Dave and I scheduled our Real Estate test for this Saturday.  I know it will all work out and I trust God completely with this.  I'm praying hard that he is preparing my womb - that the sperm count is good, the egg count is good.  There's so many things that need to line up for us- and I just pray it does.  I know this is our first try at this, and I know it doesn't work all the time, but I do pray it does. 
         For any friends reading this- please pray this week for us- keep us in your prayers and pray that things work out- and mostly good health for all- me, baby, and Dave who will have to deal with me over the next few weeks as I'm sure I will be an emotional basketcase.  Thank you all.  I know prayer makes a difference and I know God has a plan for us

It's my day off and I"m actually not going to the doctor.  But I have a list of new doctors in hand to call- I'm moving on today.  I'm not giving up.  I called Dr. Lucas first this morning to see if they had received my progesterone level we drew on Oct 4.  The nurse called back and said after reviewing it- he wants to start me on Clomid- next cycle.  So I am to call at the beginning of my next period.  I said ok.  Finally- Clomid - a drug I have heard about from day 1 but have never been prescribed.  Only told it won't work for you- well how do I know if I've never tried it.  So I was a little excited to hear that word. 
            While shopping today Dr. Davis called- he spoke with some OB-GYN's he knew and they confirmed Dr. V is a quack and reccommended NFC.  I was convinced after talking with him that even though insurance doesn't cover them to make another appt to go back and get their advice.  Last time we went there was before I had my surgery so perhaps we're more ready for IUI or IVF at this time and can move forward quickly.  I called and got an appt. next Thursday Oct 21.  I am eager to see Dr. Whitworth again and see what she thinks.  I will have to get my chart from CRH - which will prove to be a challenge since they don't return my phone calls.  I will get the chart and I will get it by Thursday.;Watch me.

           So until today I had followed doctor's orders.  I had taken the antibiotics and started prenatal vitamins, folic acid and birth control.  I had basically believed what he said to be true.  But after the phone call I received today, I am never going back to that place  again.  Where do I begin............
          I wasn't suprised by the phone call from CRH today because I had called to ask them if Dr. V would change the injection medication since even at 50% coverage- it's still $5000 out of pocket.  So when my cell rang I was anxious to pick it up.  The other end was not the phone call I had expected though, it was the nurse calling me about the repeat cultures he had taken on Oct 7 when we were last there.  She tells me that one of the bacterias was gone, but now I have two more and that Dave and I will need to start taking 2 more antxb.  She paused and said I was preparing for a horrible response - that's usually what I get at this point.  However, I was so speechless, I didn't know what to say.  All I kept thinking was- seriously- are you kidding me.  More antxb.  Which delays IUI or IVF even more.  And further more it is TOTALLY NORMAL to have bacteria there.  It's NEVER going to go away.  So my silence through her off, but I knew if I spoke it would not be pretty, and what good was it going to do?  I decided at that moment we were done with Dr. V.  Things just seemed to be more and more off with him and this topped it off.    I managed to finish the conversation with the nurse implying I was going to pick up the antxb- which wasa big lie and hung up.  As soon as I hung up with her, I started sobbing.  Just when I think we're heading in the right direction- something seems to go wrong or delay us.  I am just so worn out.  How did we choose a quack for a doctor? 
               I didn't have time to call Dave- the clinic was super busy.  And of course I had to get myself under control to go back to patients.  I wanted to continue crying and lose myself in pity but there wasn't time for that, so back to work.  Later in the day Dave texted me - I got a text saying our rx our ready- what are they talking about?  So I quickly texted him- it's a long story and I'll tell you later.  Since it was Wednesday- it's our night to go to the Gautams to teach English but I just wasn't in the mood to teach English or even be around people.  So I met Dave at Lowe's like usual but told him the story and my supportive husband was like we don't have to go tonight-what do you want to do.  So I said Blue Coast- and that is where we headed.  We enjoyed a nice dinner talking about the craziness of the day and the quacky doctor we had chosen.  We decided after dinner we were going to stop at Walgreens just to see what the pharmacist had to say about the medications prescribed.  We were now interested in finding out some answers. 
             The pharmacist only supported the idea that our doctor is absolutely crazy.  He said the antxb. prescribed was for walking pneumonia and was only used in the hospital- he also tells us it cost $5000.  Then he said the vitamin - Cardiotek   So we explained to him that we were prescribed the antxb. for infertility.  He was like- what?  I think it's time you find a new doctor.  We were like- I think that's already been decided.   After leaving Walgreens, Dave and I were 100% that we were not going back to Dr. V again.  It was time to move on. 
            I got a weird feeling after the first time we saw Dr. V but just thought he was a little cocky.  I can't believe he's crazy and makes no sense.  How does he have a license to practice.  After going through this and telling some people including Dr. Davis- who talked with some OB-GYN's- everyone confirms the guy is a quack.  How did we not know this before?  I feel so stupid and yet abused.  We just wanted someone to help us.

I called the pharmacy this morning to give them all our information to see if they will cover the injections.  We're still hoping the injections will somehow be covered so we can proceed with IUI.  Well, at the end of the day I get a call saying they cover 50% but our total cost would still be $6000.  Wow- this medication must work miracles.  I came home down about it.  Dave knew something was wrong so I told him they weren't going to cover it.  I just don't know what we're going to do.  Tomorrow I will call Dr. V's office to see if there is another medication we can do that is cheaper.   Surely there is another option- and although it may not be as effective- it may still work.  So I'm anxious to call tomorrow to tell them it's not covered and find out what they want to do now. 
               There is also uncertainty as Dave gets his new insurance plan to begin Jan 1 becuase he is on a PIP.  This basically means he is not meeting his quota and they are going to evaluate at the end of October to see if he will still have a job.  Well, if he doesn't have a job- we don't have insurance period.  And that def. means no assisted reproductive help.  We should know in a few weeks if he is still going to have a job.  Until then we try to figure out what plan to choose for this coming year and hope and pray he has a job. 
              Dave talked with Glen tonight - our next store neighbor.  H told Dave we would make good parents and Dave told him - we'd been trying for about 2 years now.  He said oh I'm sorry.  We never really knew their story but because they have adopted children - we wondered if they had problems conceiving.  They do have 2 of their own and 2 adopted.  Glen told Dave his wife took Clomid for a year before they got pregnant.  He told Dave- if we had to do it over again- we would adopt.  Dave's like- wow.  People that go through this understand and know it's not easy.  It throws your life for a whirlwind you weren't expecting and it challenges you in ways you never knew possible.  It makes you doubt and guess and wonder if God cares or if he even has a plan.  It makes you extremely frustrated with your spouse at times and forces you to work through things most people don't have to ever worry about.  It makes you go crazy and cry over silly things like finding out a friend is pregnant.  It makes you tear when you hold a newborn baby realizing the absolute gift a child really is.    But you know what- it makes you stronger too.  It makes you have to trust God with everything you have and stretch your faith knowing it's all you have left.  It makes you thankful you have nephews you get to love on, and thankful for a job where you get to hold babies everyday even though you don't have your own and wonder if you ever will.  It makes you patient.  It makes you confront your insecurities.  It makes you realize the absolute miracle children really are and thank God for creating them.  It makes you realize God is in control and his plans are perfect even though they may not be my own. 

Dave and I got an appt. this morning with Dr. V.  We were excited they had told us 730am and since we're heading home after the appt. we wanted an early appt.  Well, they called back and told us they could only do a 10am.  So, 10 am we go in and our a little anxious to finally go over all the results we've been waiting on.  I thought it would be a quick appt. but it wasn't.  We were there over 2 hours in his office. 
            He pulls out our chart and begins to go over our test results.  First, Dave- your semen analysis is not good- although the count is good, the motility is lacking.  Very few sperm have good motility. This was quite a shocker-  we had this done over 1 year ago and it was fine.  How could it be otherwise?  Well, this test is more specific and catches more than the other lab you had it done at.  Oh, well, now's a fine time to learn this after I have now had surgery thinking I was the one with the problem.  Seriously, if we would have known it was Dave- we may have taken a different approach much sooner.  This was very disheartening.  But it doesn't stop there- it gets worse.  On to Karen- your ovarian reserve is horrible- you have the body of a 40 yr old woman.  Your ovarian reserve should be much higher than it is for a 28 yr old woman.  You also did not respond to the Lupron shot we gave you to stimulate your body to react.  Oh yes, and all that bloodwork we ran showed us that you are not immune to Rubella and this could potentially harm your child- do you want to get the MMR vaccine today?  If we give it to you, you cannot get pregnant within the next 3 months.  Really- you're going to tell me would have to postpone even longer- forget it.  I signed the waiver to forego the vaccine at this time.    Which made me feel awful because I can't understand why parents choose not to vaccinate their children and have them sign the refusal form.
         After receiving all of this news- we're just sitting there shell shocked.  What do you say to all this.  Somehow I was not crying yet.  I figured he had a plan and would fix it all.  So he proceeds- we're going to start Dave on some vitamin E, cardiotek, and folic acid.  This will help the motility of the sperm.   And for you, I 'm going to start you on prenantal vitamins, folic acid, and birth control and 120 mg of aspirin daily. Asprin- why do I need asprin?  Because the birth control can cause DVT's (blood clots) - great.  That Birth control- What?  Aren't we trying to get pregnant?  Now you're going to give me birth control to prevent us from getting pregnant.  Are we going backwards now?  I can't go backwards- we must go forward.  Please help us go forward.  
              So then he goes on to say- the birth control will help give my body rest until we proceed with a round of IUI.  Finally a word I had been waiting for.  IUI- we are moving forward folks.  So, we will plan on going forward with IUI in November and for the next couple weeks you will take your vitamins, and birth control and then we'll go ahead with hormone injections and then we'll stimulate ovulation with a trigger shot and finally do IUI.  This all sounded good.  The injections make me nervous- don't get me wrong, but I was excited to move forward.  So today before we leave the office- he wants to redo the cultures since I only have a few days left of antxb and redo the Lupron challenge test to make sure the lab results are accurate- since our results were so bad.    So that was the plan..........
                So we exit his office and go into Reba's office- she takes care of insurance and financing.  This is where the morning just went to awful.    Reba is great- she knows her stuff and is very helpful in helping us find out what path we need to take.  So, she goes on to say that the hormone injection he has chosen for me to take before IUI is very expensive.  While we're sitting in her office- she calls insurance and they tell her it's not covered.  And the total cost to us just for the injections alone- $7600.  What?  She's like- this is the most expensive injection and he has you on such a high dose.  So basically I would have to take 10 ampules/day in an injection form.  The highest dose is 12 ampules.  Wow.  That is a high dose  Apparently he chose such a high dose in hopes that it will work since my body isn't doing what it's supposed to.  So, Reba said she would begin calling pharmacies to see if she could find one to cover it.  So some hope was restored- but highly doubtful there is one that will cover it.  The IUI procedure in itself is only $700- not bad.  But then you put into the cost of that the medication and it completely changes things.  So, we asked her how much IVF would cost and she said $16,000. Whew.  I just sat there feeling like this was all out of reach.  Just to have a kid- how far are we supposed to go?  And what aggravated me most was the appt. prior to this one we were told that IVF and IUI were 100% covered.  It didn't sound right - but we believed what they told us and figured we would be aggressive with any treatments until the end of the year when Dave's insurance changes.  Well, that all changed as of today.  Now we must figure out how we're going to pay for this and further more if we even feel like this is God's plan.  The questions keeps coming to mind- how far are we supposed to go?  
                Roadblocks keep popping up along the way and it just seems like at this point- we're stuck.  We're not moving forward.  Yes, we're taking vitamins, and doing bloodwork and labs and stuff- but actually doing someting to get me pregnant is not happening.  
              The Lupron Challenge test was canceled as well because Reba told us since I had just had it done a few weeks ago- insurance wouldn't cover it again.  So, we would have to pay $400 out of pocket to repeat it.  We decided to forego the repeat at this time.  So, aside from the awful news we got today, we did repeat the cultures.  After the repeat was done- we left- now a 7 hr drive home.  Plenty of time to go over what he just told us and what we're going to do.  And 6 prescriptions in hand to pick up at the pharmacy- which will have to pick up in Valpo while wer'e home. 

So my period decides to come a whole 9 days earlier than expected.  Caught me off guard- I had no idea it was my period until the bleeding kept getting heavier and heavier.  I finally realized- oh this is my period.  The nurse said it could have beeb due to the Lupron shot I received a few weeks earlier that caused it to come early.  So, I guess it wasn't the worst news because with it coming earlier maybe we can def. do a treatment this month.  I will finish the antxb. shortly.