So, Dave and I woke up early this morning.  Not the reason most people were waking up early this morning- on Black Friday.  We were waking up to go to the doctor for IUI.  Dave got up early enough to stop at Target before his Dr. appt.  We had our eyes on a new Nikon camera, since mine is basically broken.  So he picked that up before he went on to the doctor.  His appt. was scheduled for 8am and then I went in at 930.  I stopped by McDonald's since I was anxious and left early.  I ate my breakfast and got to the office about 915.  I walked in excited to go ahead with the IUI and much more confident this time that it will work.  I know last month the timing was off and I didn't know if I even had follicles.  So this month I feel much better about it.   
                   It was weird walking in because the parking garage was almost completely empty.  Of course being Black Friday most the offices were closed and there were def. no surgeries scheduled.  I walked across the walkway to get to the office and felt like I was the only crazy person there.  When I walked into the office, there were a few other couples sitting there waiting.   The waiting room was freezing- I think they had turned the heat off expecting nobody to be there.  I signed in and then sat down.  I was so cold I was shaking.    I probably waited 10 minutes before I was called back.  I always scan the waiting room and check out the other couples.  I wonder what their story is and how long they've been trying.  Even though I don't know them at all, I know we share something that a lot of other people will never understand or have to go through.  I was relieved when I got called back.  I had a different nurse this time and she was very perky and positive.  I asked her if I should get an ultrasound and she was like if you did the ovadril shot you're ready to go.  I said ok.  The procedure was done in minutes and I laid there for my 20 minutes listening to the timer tick.  My mind wonders to a thousand places while I'm lying there- this time I prayed for our twins.  God knows what I want to name them and everything.  I tried to remain positive.  I can picture their faces and know what we'll call them.  I imagined us telling our parents and suprising them at Christmas time.  I imagined worshiping on Christmas Day and crying during the whole service praising God for the miracle he has given to us.  I believe it's going to happen. 
              Dave  and I like referring to the babies.  I was tired today and I said these babies are wearing me out.  And Dave will randomly refer to the baby and I have to remind him it's babies-lol.  We'll def. enjoy this two weeks of hoping and wishing and praying for our babies.  Of course the two week wait can be agonizing too because it seems a lot longer then 2 weeks when you're waiting for such a life changing answer.  I have to wait the full two weeks this month because the ovadril shot can cause false positive pregnancy test.   And I don't want to put myself through thinking I'm pregnant and then it be a false positive.  So the countdown begins- 14 days from today will be Dec 10.  I can do it.  Lord help me believe this is the month.
                  This morning I went to the doctor for my ultrasound.  We decided this month to go ahead and pay for the ultrasound to see how many follicles I had.  Last month I felt like I didn't know enough so we paid the $190 to get the ultrasound this time around.    I went in at 8am so I could get to work at a decent time.  The ultrasound only took a few minutes.  After she was done, they took me into a room.  I sat down and she said- well, you're ready, but since we're closed tomorrow, we'll have you do the Ovadril shot tonight at home and come back in Friday morning for the IUI.    I was excited to hear that I was ready.  She said I had one mature follicle and two lagging behind that.   I  was a  little nervous about the shot, but ready to go ahead.  I've given thousands of shots, but it's totally diff. when you have to give it to yourself.
               Dave and I were preparing Thanksgiving dinner and 930 rolled around so I got the shot out and gave it to myself.    It was subcutaneous in the abdomen.  It actually didn't hurt at all.  Being me, I was more worried about all the side effects I read about in the insert.   I should have never read it.   They're pretty awful.    Dave sat next to me and watched.  He said he would give it if I wanted him too, but I told him I could do it.  I could tell he really didn't want to do it.   
               The next  morning I woke up and took an ovulation test.   I was happy to see that the control line was dark- very dark.  So, the shot definitely worked.  I will be ovulating about the time I go in for the IUI.  And I hope that there are 2-3 mature follicles ready to go when I do.
So this is one of my newest favorite songs.  I can't get through this song without crying.   The words speak to my heart.  These songs are magnified when you're going through something tough and you realize God knew we would walk through this together and he gave us each other to do so.  I'm so encouraged by this song.   This is harder than we dreamed- we never thought we'd be going what we are  but we're here- and by God's strength and promises we will get through it.  Whatever the outcome is- whatever he desires for us.  When I look at life and all the horrible things that happen I am just so thankful for my health, for a loving husband, for  a God who constantly forgives me and loves me, and for a family who is by my side no matter what.    I know that things can change so quickly and I know that we take so much for granted.  I have already seen in my life the way a life can be torn from us without any warning.  It's so scary to me to know I'm not in control of my life or any of those I love.  It's scary to think that in a matter of moments life can drastically change.   
This one's for you Dave- thanks for sharing this journey with me and thanks for dancing through this crazy life with me.    I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.   Let's keep dancing in the minefields.   I love you.

Here are the lyrics:

Dancing in the Minefields.

Well I was 19 you were 21
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much to young
But we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each from a pawnshop down the road
We said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

Well ‘I do’ are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard is a good place to begin
Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found

And we’re dancing in the minefields
We’re sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith
to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

Cause we bear the light of the son of man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos baby
I can dance with you

So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for

Youtube video:

                  Blood drawn today for the Clomid Challenge test.  FSH and Estradiol to check levels pre-clomid.  Then I'll get blood drawn again on Nov 22 once I finish Clomid.  So I start Clomid tomorrow and will take it Day 5-9.  Then we'll recheck FSH and pray I respond good to Clomid.  Then we'll proceed with IUI the day after Thanksgiving. 
             It's so funny because every month I plead with God and tell him why this would be the perfect month for us.
And of course I"m already pleading with him for this month because we would find out right before Christmas and we could let our families know and everything- it would be the best Christmas gift ever.   And we would basically conceive on Thanksgiving- 2 very special days.  Oh and I must add this too Lord because I know you're listening- the baby would be due in the month of August which would be perfect because no one in my family right now has an August birthday- my grandfather did but he is no longer with us.  I just think it would be really neat to have a child with a birthday in a different month than everyone else in our family.  Not to mention Dave is June, I'm July, and then our babies would be August.   Yes, I said babies;  I'm really believing that God is going to give us multiples.  I just have this gut feeling, and I could be totally wrong but I hope I'm right.  Dave and I talk about twins often.  Triplets would be a bit much but I know we could do it-together we could do it.  I remember one Sunday in Preschool we had 12 between the 2 of us.  12 10 month olds running around- we had so much fun.  I remember looking over at Dave as we were counting and making sure we had them all - and saying we could have this many you know?   It was funny then- I didn't know we would be on Clomid with a real possiblity of multiples.  It's different now- it could really happen. 
               I'm torn between posting this blog now and or waiting until after we find out in December.  The reason being is because I really loved having the support and prayer of many friends this month, but it was hard to tell everyone it didn't work.  You feel like you have to keep telling people and it makes it seem like an even bigger failure.   Well, I think for now I"m going to draft this and then I will post it out later to share.    A big part of me still wants to suprise everyone.  Even after about 2  years I still want to surprise people. 
                Well, I officially started my period today.  I can't say I'm that suprised, but I was trying to remain hopeful.  I mean looking back I think I did go in too early and possibly there were no follicles to fertlize the day of IUI.  Dave's out of town and so I'm sulking all by myself.  I texted him today and told him the news.  I wish he were here to hold me and let me cry in his arms.  He understands and knows what I've gone through.    I was sad that I won' t be able to tell him when he gets home that he will be a dad.  I had it all planned out to take a sign to the airport when I pick him up Sunday that says YOU"RE GOING TO BE A DAD and wear a Mommy to be shirt.   He would have gone crazy.  I played the whole thing out in my mind- --  He would see me and read the sign and then run up to me and we would hug and the whole airport would be applauding.  But it's not going to happen that way, so I'll just have to come up with something else.  Something even better when it does happen. 
             So, my hope turns to next month.  Dave and I have decided to go for it again.  It's probably going to cost more money this time because we have decided to go ahead with the ultrasound and a trigger shot.  I called NFC today to tell them my period had started and I spoke with the nurse about plans for this month.  I am going to start Clomid days 5-9.  I will have my blood drawn this coming Monday prior to starting Clomid and then again after completing Clomid.  Dr. CW wants to check my FSH and Estradiol levels - it's called a Clomid Challenge Test).  Crazy doctor did a Lupron challenge test which apparently nobody does anymore except him.  So, she wants to do this test and then we'll still proceed with IUI.
             I have an appt. to go in Nov 23 for an ultrasound.  Since I"m due to ovulate on Nov 26, she will see how the ultrasound looks Nov 23 and then that night I will probably give myself a trigger shot to induce ovulation and then we will proceed with IUI on Nov 26. T his works out good because I already had taken off for Thanksgiving since we usually travel to Dave's grandparents.  I'm sad that we will not be going but Dave made the decision to stay here so we could proceed with IUI.  I didn't want to take that time away with his family, but he feels like this is a priority right now and I am so thankful to have his support and understanding through this. 
           Maybe we'll get a really nice Christmas present- if it works this month we'll find out before Christmas.  I can only hope that is God's plan.  It would be a Christmas I would never forget and by far the best
       Today is Day 27.  Of course my period typically comes between days 24-26, so I'm anxiously waiting for my period to come.  I promised myself I wouldn't test until today, so I woke up this morning hopeful that the reason my period isn't here yet is because I am pregnant.  I woke up and peed in the cup.  I couldn't get the pregnancy test open- those things are wrapped in a foil- I finally cut it open with scissors.  I dipped the stick and glued my eyes on the test as the control line appeared.  After 2 minutes of staring at it, I decided I should do something else and check it at 5 minutes.  That I did- big fat negative.  No second line ever appeared.  I was disappointed.  No tears.  I guess the tears will probably come when my period shows up.  Part of me is hoping the test was wrong.  I've had many people tell me their test said negative and they ended up being pregnant.  So until my period shows up, I'm going to hope for that. 
          Dave is out of town and I have the best idea to tell him if I am pregnant.  But for now, I continue to wait.
               I'm home in Indiana visiting my newest nephew- Miguel Antonio.  He is precious.  I have enjoyed holding him and cuddling him.  He's 8 days old today.   My mind keeps wondering of course if I'm carrying a little one or little ones inside of me and when I will finally be able to test to know.  Today I had some mild cramping and lower back pain.  I usually get this before my period and it worries me that my period is coming.  I will be devestated if it didn't work, and yet I know there's a really good chance it probably didn't so I'm trying to be realistic about the outcome. 
                This past week at work was very encouraging to me because I had a patient come in with triplets.  Two of the babies were in the office that day and the third one is still in the NICU due to breathing problems.   I was talking to the couple knowing they probably didn't conceive naturally with triplets and in talking discovered they did Clomid and IUI and that's how they ended up with triplets.  Apparently the there is only a 0.5% chance of triplets with Clomid, but they're one of them.  She said they had told her she probably wouldn't get pregnant because of her low egg count and quality of eggs.  They tried IUI once and got pregnant but it ended in miscarriage and so NFC prompted them to do IVF which failed.  She felt like since they got pregnant with IUI they should try again-so they did.  She had three follicles the day of the IUI and all three were fertilized and implanted.  It's amazing to see these precious little babies and the miracle they are.  It gives me hope that these babies are here because of IUI and that it can work.  I am holding on to their story and praying Dave and I will have a story like this.    Christine's neighbor has also been having trouble conceiving for quite some time and they are now a couple months along  due to IUI as well.  Hearing these success stories is so encouraging and it helps me believe that it can happen for us too!
            Today is Day 19 of my cycle.  So depending on when my period comes- sometimes day 24 sometimes day 26- I don't have much longer to wait, but am getting anxious to know.  If it doesn't happen this month, Dave and I will go ahead and do it again next month.  Dave and I were going to go visit family for Thanksgiving, but it looks like ovulation is going to happen right about the time we would go visit family for Thanksgiving.  Dave told me we would stay home- this is our priority.  He's very supportive and  he wants this baby as much as I do.  We're on the same page with what we're going through and that makes it easier.  We both want the same thing and we're both working towards the same goal- so we can easily support each other in what needs to be done to achieve that goal.  Mycycle pretty much runs the show at this point- certain days are critical and timing is key.