So, I figure it's time to get out all my fears and just be totally honest.  So here it goes.   My fears are...........
*that I will watch all my friends get pregnant and have children, and I will still not be pregnant and even worse watch their kids grow up.
*that God knew I wouldn't be able to have children and so he led me to a job that would fulfill my need to love on children
*that I will grow jealous of family and friends who do have children
* that I will lose faith in God because I just can't understand why he's not allowing this
* that I will grow more and more uneasy that we aren't getting pregnant because God does have a reason- and it's very bad
*that Dave and I become so obsessed with trying we lose sight of each other in the process
*that my surgery was pointless and really didn't make a difference
* that I will never experience childbirth
* that I will never hear - I love you Mom
* that if we do have a child I will be overprotective because we worked so hard to bring them into this world
* that Dave will love me less because I can't give him a child - one of the first things I knew about him- was his love for children and that he wanted to have 5 one day
* that we are meant to adopt and not sure I feel ready for that or if I am capable of loving a child that much that I did not conceive myself
* that if I do get pregnant something will go terribly wrong
* that God doesn't think we're ready to be parents
* that God is trying to tecach me something and I'm just not getting it

There's a lot of fears that run around in my mind.  I guess I fear it's not meant to be but guess I'm not in the place where I feel I
can accept that just yet.  I still really feel like I am going to be a mom someday.  I'm not sure when or how it might work out, but I just know in my heart I am.

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