Dave and I have come to a point in our lives when we feel unsure of where we belong.  We don't have kids but we want kids.  Many of our "friends" are not ready for kids and the issue of infertility doesn't have a place there.  But then there are the couples we really like that have children.  Their lives are so completely different from ours because of this and again we find ourselves stuck in this odd place.    Where do we belong?  What's wrong with us?   

I've come to realize the past few months as we have been slightly consumed with infertility stuff that  my friendships are not what I thought they were.  In college I had a group of friends- we were all in nursing school together- we did everything together.  I also had some pretty amazing college roommates.  Then I moved here to Nashville and I had more amazing roommates that took me in and became fast friends.   There are also the lifetime friends I've known for many, many years and with whom even though we don't talk daily, when we get a chance to talk, we easily pick right back up where we left off.   I also have my amazing sisters who will always be my best friends because they know me so completely and understand me.   

After I got married, many of my friends also got married and moved away.   Dave and I joined a Sunday School and made friends with those in the class.   We hosted parties and invited others to hang out frequently.  We've known some of them for years now and I guess I always thought that the feeling was mutual.  When you're going through a tough time in life I think it really opens your eyes to who your friends really are.  In the past several months Dave and I have not been as "social".  Life was full of doctor's appointments, bed rest, medications, etc.   I was so burned out of always inviting people, asking people out, etc.  and decided to take a break from the initiating.    Sadly, instead of others taking the initiative and calling us or inviting us out, we found no response in return at all.    Lives went on around us, and those "friends'' we thought we had kept hanging out and either chose to  leave us out or "forgot" to call us.   It seems like everyone else has friends and were the only ones that have been left out.   I just don't understand, it's so hurtful. It's  opened my eyes to the harsh reality that I need to re-evaluate the "friends" in my life.

At this point in life, I'm over the cliches, the gossip, the games.   I'm ready to start a family.  I enjoy hanging out with my husband.   I don't need hundreds of friends, I've never been one to count quantity for anything.  I've always cherished having a few extremely close "quality" friends and even though I still have those friends out there, they're not here, and I really miss that.  My prayer is that I can be that kind of friend first so that I can attract the friends I'm looking for.  None of us our perfect and I want friends who can be imperfect with me.   I want friends who really want to hang out and don't just call to be nice.   I want friends who say what they mean and mean what they say.   I don't want "nice", I want "real". 

As we go through this journey together God has grown us and taught us so much.  I know one of the things he's teaching me is I need to be a better friend.  I can't expect those friendships in my life until I become that friend.  I need to put aside "expecting" from others and open my heart instead to "give".  

Lord help me the friend I'm looking for.   

9/6/2011 12:54:51 pm

Hey girl. We went through the same thing, although I don't think it bothered John like it bothered me. We were a part of a young marrieds small group- a huge group of us, about 10-20 couples depending on the season. We all hung out, John and I even led one of the young married small groups, and then we kept finding out they were all hanging out, having dinners, going places... and we were always the odd couple out. It got old really fast. I was pretty hurt. It was about the time that school got busy for me, so I brushed it off and dove into my studies... but your post reminds me of how hurt I was (am)... and that I need to forgive (still). At the time, we were one of 2 couples that wasn't either pregnant or trying, so I guess that's what made us stick out like a sore thumb. I'm not comparing the difficulty of school to what you and Dave have gone through; just the feeling of being left out/behind. It's not right, and as followers of Jesus, you expect more out of people/friends. Sorry you were hurt... I'll be praying God renews friendships, gives you favor with those around you, strengthens bonds, and that you and Dave will truly find friends that become those forever friends. (That all being said, I'm sorry for the ways I've hurt you over the years- be it during nursing school or since then- and hope you can forgive me. And certainly, if you ever want to talk, just give me a call.) Hugs to you.

9/6/2011 01:28:24 pm

i like hanging out with my wife too!

9/7/2011 01:11:35 pm

Perhaps you should contemplate a move to Indy. ;-) Housing is cheap, I'm here, two renown children's hospitals to work at, I'm here, only 2 hours from your family, I'm here, we have 4 seasons (kinda), I'm here.

3/22/2012 07:01:44 am

is shortly

3/26/2012 10:05:48 am

good post


Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Leave a Reply.