So, I've been waiting for today to come.  After our 3rd failed IUI round and speaking with NFC.  They recommended we take the IVF Class to learn more about IVF and decide if we want to go ahead with it.  This is the next step in our journey and so at the price of $215 we took the class to learn more about IVF.  The class went well.  Dave and I sat in the waiting room with about 5 other couples we assumed were waiting to take the class with us, however, when the IVF nurse called everyone to the door who was there for the IVF class, Dave and I were the only couple to approach.  This was totally fine by us, because we got a private class.  It was great because we were able to ask our IVF nurse any questions and concerns we had without feeling hindered by others in the room.  And in return, she was able to individualize her teaching to our specific problems and my cycle.  It was one of those little blessings from God that made me smile today.  She said they typically have 6 couples per class, but this time was different.  It was great!

After class, we were filled with more knowledge of IVF, but I'm not sure we felt any more secure in the many inherent ethical dilemmas we will face during IVF.   For instance, there is the decision of how many eggs to fertilize, and then there is the decision of how many embryos to implant, and then what do you do with the embryos you don't use- do you freeze them or discard them?  All my life I have held strong opposition to abortions.  And now, we're in a situation where depending on what you consider life- We are really going to have to figure out what we believe because we're making decisions regarding embryos and life.  And let me tell you, it's not easy.    We're deciding the things that God normally decided for us.   Usually getting pregnant or even the number of babies we have whether it be a singleton or multiples is decided by God, but when you do IVF  you're making the decision based on statistics and percentages.   I know that God still has control and it doesn't matter how many we implant, the number of babies he wants us to have, we will have.  And I know this to be true.  It's just tough getting to that point of IVF where we can see what God wanted and how it all turns out. 

Our Sunday School class is studying God's will right now and it's been such a struggle for me to sit through class.  With our struggle to conceive and being faced with such big decisions that we've desperately sought God's will for, and fervently prayed for, and still not having a clue what he wants us to do, it's frustrating to sit and listen to a lesson on God's will.    If only I knew.  If only I knew what he wanted.  The lesson got pretty thought provoking as we learned that it's not always making the "right" decision or if there is truly one right decision God has for us, but more importantly that we are seeking God in our decisions.  Sometimes I think these tough decisions in life are simply God's way of telling us we need to rely on him more.  He's not so much concerned with the decision we make as he is our relationship with Him.   This gives me peace in knowing that although we haven't heard a definite answer from God on what He wants us to do, he could bless us whether we adopt, or whether we have multiples through IVF.    The point is, God can bless us with more than one decision we make.  There may not be a "right" decision.  My job as a Christian is to trust him, seek him, rely upon him, and do my best to honor him in the decisions I make.  So, Dave and I are now praying that we honor God in our decisions, the many decisions we will be making in the coming weeks.    That whatever the outcome he be glorified. 

This whole IVF process is very expensive, time-consuming, and will require much time off work, a lot of injections, taking numerous medications,getting several blood draws and other monitoring visits.  Not to mention the emotional drainage from going through all of this if in the end it doesn't work at all and to be reminded that some people get pregnant by surprise.  But, in the end if it does work the joy and excitement our hearts will experience.  The gratitude and praise to God for blessing us with a child or children.  The gift of knowing that children are truly a blessing from the Lord and not to be taken for granted. 

I will keep you posted on our IVF journey.  We will begin this journey in about 2 weeks when my period comes. And then I will be blogging daily with what's going on and any updates. 

As a child in Sunday School I can still remember singing a song that recently has come to mind as we make some really big decisions.  I wanted to share this song with you, perhaps one you also sang in Sunday School.  And, I just happend to find kids singing it at a church just like I did when I was a little girl.  In my Life Lord, Be Glorified. 

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