News came this past week that a couple in our Sunday School class is pregnant- 11.5 weeks. While we're very excited for them, it's not been easy to take in. I read their email and felt like it should have been our news. Why can we not get to that point in life when it seems like everyone around us is. I just don't understand. We've been obedient, we've been praying, we've been patient. We made sure financially we were ready and now we're ready and God says wait.
Wait? What could we possibly need to wait for. We still have 9 months once we find out. Why would you have us to wait when you know our hearts are so eager and so passionate for a child. We just continue to pray that God's timing prevails, even though it is not the timing we had in mind.
I didn't expect the first month to fall pregnant, but maybe the second or third. Now, after the fourth month of trying, I'm really beginning to wonder if there might be a problem. Is it me or Dave. Is it endometriosis. Is it low sperm?
I made a gyno appt. for May 14- mainly to see what steps we could take if there is a problem or to even find out if there is a problem. They call it a fertility appt. I'm hoping that this month is it and well, the appt is of no concern. However, when I go, I will have no idea if I am pregnant. It would be so awesome to conceive this month and we can celebrate our 2 yr anniversary with the amazing news. What an anniversary that would be. We leave for Disney on May 22 and my period is due May 20-22. So we should know right about the time we leave. I continue to find that each month my hope is restored. Like, this month is really it. It has to be.
I've been doing my BBT, OPK's and well, I feel like I've got the charting thing down. I feel like we're doing everything we can do to make it happen, including some things I never even knew about-lol. Gosh, at this point, we'll try anything. What more can be done? It's truly in God's hands.
A friend called me tonight while Dave and I were at the movies and so I didn't answer. I felt like she might tell me she was pregnant, but the voicemail didn't indicate the news at all. It was late after the movie, so I didn't call her back. When we got home, I got an email from her with the news of being pregnant.
I've heard that when you're ready or wanting to get pregnant, it seems like everyone around you is falling pregnant but you. It's harder to see women pregnant, and see babies in the clinic all day, and work with them in the nursery on Sundays. It just all seems so easy for some people, and then there is us.
Dave and I share a passion for children. It's probably what bonds us most, right underneath Jesus Christ. We have always shared a love for kids. It's one of the reasons we were drawn to each other from day one. I knew he would make a great father, and I knew when he wanted 5 kids, that a man that wanted more than me, was a special man. The thing is, I know God orchestrated it all. He brought us together and he had a plan with the love we have for children. I am having a hard time seeing that at the moment, but I know he still has a plan and in his timing it will unfold. It will come to light.
Lord, help me to be patient. Help us both to continue to trust you and renew our hope this month as we begin to try again. Lord, help me to catch my ovulation, and help everything to come together to form a beautiful baby inside of me. Lord, you created us in the womb, and you already have a name for our child, Lord, give us strength to press on and know that this cannot be rushed. Let us be all the more joyful when we do find out, knowing it was you. We love you Lord and we thank you for all that you've blessed us with. Strengthen our marriage through this and help us to draw closer to you.
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