We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. - Waiting for you!
 
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Valentine's Day 2010
     So, Again this month I found renewed hope and faith that this could be the month.  I tried really hard to believe this month that this would be it.  I didn't impatiently take a bunch of pregnancy tests thinking that the sooner I tested, the sooner I would know.  I was patient and waited for the time- and - my worst enemy came to visit me on February 24.  I was so sad at work all day and my drive home only proved to be worse- as the song, "My hands are holding you" came on and made me cry - the tears just poured out.  I again found myself asking the Lord - Why?  Really- are you serious?  Don't you know - don't you want this for us? 
     But God spoke to my broken heart.   That night at bible study-- He spoke clearly to me.  I am still processing what He said, but I know it was just what I needed to hear at the time.  We're studying Beth Moore's Esther- and last night- we were talking about our destinies.  Beth reminded us that sometimes we're going down a path strong and hard with all our hearts and we think it's what God wants for us.  But sometimes He uses crisis to pick us up and turn us in a completely different direction from the path we were on. 
     It really made me think about what God wants for Dave and I.  Perhaps we are heading in the wrong direction and he's trying to get our attention.  Perhaps  God is trying to pick us up and turn us in a new direction.  At this time,  I'm not quite sure what that might be.  I immediately wonder if God really does want us to adopt a child.  I'm not exactly clear on what He wants, but it was so encouraging to be reminded of
Proverbs 16:9:
We can make our plans,but the Lord determines our steps.  Our plans are not always the Lord's plans.  And thank goodness, his our much better than ours could ever be.  
        "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.   Thank God you know, because right now I don't Lord.  Thank you for directing our steps, and picking us up and turning us around when we are heading in the wrong direction.  Lord, forgive me for questioning your plans and for being so much like Job- when he said
     "I shout for help, God, and get nothing, no answer!
   I stand to face you in protest, and you give me a blank stare! 
   I know your are not giving me a blank stare- you have an exact plan, and I know that in time I will know it.  In the meantime, I pray for increased wisdom of that plan- that you would make it clear to us both what that plan is for our lives.  And Lord if it's going to be tough to face- (meaning it's not exactly what I was thinking).  Please prepare my heart for your plan.  Prepare me for what you want, and rather than feeling diappointment in a different plan- let my heart rejoice in the beautiful one you're unfolding.    

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