As you have read in Karen's posts, we are on our second try with a Fertility Doctor. It is obvious we are both tired of trying with no success. Not to say that we're tired of the trying part, but we are tired of the no success part. Really God, how long will you make us wait? And why?
Those are the types of questions that can only be answered after the fact, if ever. So, we are really hoping and praying that God uses this Doctor to make our little miracle happen. At what point to do you say, enough is enough, and quit going to Doctor's and just let things go and move on? Neither of us is ready to give up by any means. What would be really cool is to be able to see family for the Holidays and surprise them with the news. We know they are all just waiting. We are convinced they know we are trying, though we haven't told them.
So, how does all of this make me feel? There are several things. Frustrated; Tired; Baffled; Impatient. Frustrated because I cannot control this process any more than I can control my hair growing. If it were my plans, we'd be on our second by now, not still trying for our first. Tired because it has been, at times, such work for us, and so much goes into this process, especially when it doesn't work (Side thought: maybe God is using this time to help us get used to the hard work and time that comes with having a child).
Baffled because there are so many stories and so many people with advice and an opinion. So many women can get pregnant with just a look from their husbands. Sometimes I wish they could understand the pain and heartache my wife has gone through and I know they would totally appreciate their lives and their kids a whole lot more. Impatient because I really want to know how much longer this process will take for us (and will it happen for the second child also?). I am getting Impatient with God because I have no idea why He is not giving us the blessing and why my wife cannot conceive (i do not blame her at all).
To some women in our culture, the ability to be treated equal and given an equal chance at their job is the definition of success, and there is nothing wrong with that. But to the other part of women in the culture, the crowning achievement and what really identifies them as successful, competent, and assigns value to them in the eyes of others is the ability to first have kids, and then successfully raise them.
So, I'll leave you with this. God, why have you not given this to my wife? Why are so many other women getting what she deserves? She is totally worth it and deserving of it. And God, you know it to be true. Now is the time to act!
Those are the types of questions that can only be answered after the fact, if ever. So, we are really hoping and praying that God uses this Doctor to make our little miracle happen. At what point to do you say, enough is enough, and quit going to Doctor's and just let things go and move on? Neither of us is ready to give up by any means. What would be really cool is to be able to see family for the Holidays and surprise them with the news. We know they are all just waiting. We are convinced they know we are trying, though we haven't told them.
So, how does all of this make me feel? There are several things. Frustrated; Tired; Baffled; Impatient. Frustrated because I cannot control this process any more than I can control my hair growing. If it were my plans, we'd be on our second by now, not still trying for our first. Tired because it has been, at times, such work for us, and so much goes into this process, especially when it doesn't work (Side thought: maybe God is using this time to help us get used to the hard work and time that comes with having a child).
Baffled because there are so many stories and so many people with advice and an opinion. So many women can get pregnant with just a look from their husbands. Sometimes I wish they could understand the pain and heartache my wife has gone through and I know they would totally appreciate their lives and their kids a whole lot more. Impatient because I really want to know how much longer this process will take for us (and will it happen for the second child also?). I am getting Impatient with God because I have no idea why He is not giving us the blessing and why my wife cannot conceive (i do not blame her at all).
To some women in our culture, the ability to be treated equal and given an equal chance at their job is the definition of success, and there is nothing wrong with that. But to the other part of women in the culture, the crowning achievement and what really identifies them as successful, competent, and assigns value to them in the eyes of others is the ability to first have kids, and then successfully raise them.
So, I'll leave you with this. God, why have you not given this to my wife? Why are so many other women getting what she deserves? She is totally worth it and deserving of it. And God, you know it to be true. Now is the time to act!
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