As you read in Karen's previous post, she is now taking Clomid.  I think we were both getting to the point where she was getting tired of being dissapointed and I was getting tired of seeing her dissapointed.  For any guys reading this, you can understand what I am about to say.  When your wife is frustrated, sad, tired, sick, hurt or any other thing you cannot contol, it drives you nuts.  While I would like to be able to keep her from being dissapointed about where we are in the process of getting pregnant, I know I cannot, especially since it is such a desire for us both.

So, seeing her excited is a welcome change of pace and gets me excited about it too!  Heck, we could be pregnant by mid-November.  How awesome is that?  I could come back from my only business trip, as well as a friend's wedding that weekend in Austin, and find out that I am finally gonna be a dad!  So, finally, something positive to keep us going!

During Sunday School this morning, we were talking about when Lazarus died.  One of the questions was why did Jesus wait a few more days before he left to go to Bethany?  I think it was agreed that, while his friendship with Lazarus and his family (Mary and Martha) as important, it was more important to do the work of His father.  This made me start thinking of God's Sovereignty in our life, our walk, and where we stand in this process.

For me, there are two parts to God's sovereignty; the part I do not understand (God said in his word "your thoughts are not my thoughts and your ways are not my ways") and the part in which I take great comfort (the Bible describes the Spirit as the Comforter).  It is very easy for me to fall into the comforter part because while there, I am protected from a lot of things that might potentially hurt me.  One thing I am learning, slowly, is that the Comforter role is to not try to avoid those things that hurt, but to run to Him for healing once I have been hurt.

So, to bring things full circle.  I do not understand why we have had so much trouble.  I hurt to see my wife hurting.   I hope I can meditate more on that aspect of God's Soverignty during this time and allow myself to feel the pain my wife feels at us  not getting pregnant and be able to then go together into Jesus's healing arms.  He is in control and loves us very much, even if we hurt right now.  His will for our lives will come to bear and He will be glorified through it.  Amen!

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