Lately we’ve been busy with well, starting the adoption process.  Paperwork seemed non-ending for about 2 months, but we got it done and turned in.  We just completed our home study individual interviews with the social worker and they went very well.  Our social worker is very laid back and helped the process seem easy going.  We then completed our home inspection on March 8.    It went very well.  We are also having an adoption profile created for us which is a little story book of our lives and gives birth parents an idea of who we are and the type of life we can provide for a child.  We have also been exploring a few other fertility venues out there including grants offered to couples like us that provide money to support IVF costs. 

Lately I haven’t updated our blog mainly because of the business but also because we’ve been exploring so many options out there.  I feel like we’re in a bit of a tug of war.  We desperately want a child, but we desperately want to have a child.  Ultimately in the end, we know God will make that happen.  People that go through this experience it so differently and we have found that for each couple God brings an answer in his timing.  I believe a couple must reach that place of being ready to move forward- it can’t be rushed, nor should it.  For Dave and I this is knowing we have exhausted all of our fertility options.   We feel like there is a peace in knowing we did all we could to have a biological child and if God chooses to close those doors then we pray for a peace and acceptance of his will.  This doesn’t mean we are considering adoption a less best option for us, because we know that a child through adoption is one of God’s biggest blessings in this life.  Starting the adoption process and moving in that direction has been wonderful and we will continue to pursue that.  But we have not stopped pursuing fertility just yet.   

Since our home inspection is completed we are officially ready to accept a child once we were to be matched.  This can happen as quickly as 2 months to as long as 2 years.  You can’t really predict timing, we know that’s in God’s hands.  Dave and I have explored a lot of options however and for us, adoption may come in the form of embryo adoption- where we adopt an embryo  that will be implanted in my uterus and carried for 9 months just as a normal pregnancy.  Although this child will not genetically be linked to us, I will get to carry the baby for 9 months and Dave and I will get to experience the whole pregnancy journey and labor and delivery process.  There’s such a big desire in my heart to be a mother, but God has also placed a huge desire on my heart to carry a child and feel it grow inside of me and deliver that baby.   I can’t explain the yearning for that, but it has never faded and I know God places those desires in us. 

More on embryo adoption:  Again this option would actually still allow me to have the babies and experience pregnancy.  It’s actually really appealing to us in that I would carry the babies we’ve adopted.  Let me explain……….  So, there are many couples out there that go through infertility like us.  They go through with IVF and they’re successful but they actually end up with a surplus of embryos.   Those couples are than faced with deciding what to do with their excess, unused embryos that are both morally and ethically acceptable to them.   Many people choose to maintain their embryos in storage indefinitely, hoping to put off an eventual decision.  For people who do not view life as beginning at conception, thawing and discarding the embryos, or donating them for scientific research are options. For people who dislike these choices, however, embryo adoption constitutes the sole alternative.  In this option the couple donates their embryos to the clinic to give to another couple (like us) who is struggling to get pregnant.  We are excited about this possible option!!

Dave and I also recently visited one of the best fertility clinics in the country in Colorado.  We kept hearing from different people to check it out and after several referrals to this clinic and a very in depth phone consultation with the doctor there, we felt we had to go and give it a shot! While there we met with the doctor, had a full work up and discussed our treatment options.  The doctor gave us hope that they could help us!  They have the best embryologist and the clinic is ranked nationally for successful pregnancies.  Since our visit and a lot of praying, we have decided to move forward with another IVF cycle at this clinic.  Dave and I both want to do everything possible to try to have a baby and we feel a tug in our hearts to try this last option before we close this door.  We feel incredibly blessed and surrounded by our family and friends during this time as so many of you have offered to fundraise, support us, and most importantly pray for us.  We are incredibly blessed by your friendships and we know that God hears each and every one of your prayers.  We ask for your continued prayers during this time as we are so excited to be going to Colorado at the beginning of April to proceed with the IVF procedure.  Please pray for safety, good health during the cycle, patience as we wait for God’s plan to unfold, God’s timing, clarity and direction, and most importantly for His will in our becoming parents.  We know God has a plan and cannot wait to see that unfold however he chooses to do so.  

3/12/2012 01:33:19 pm

Hey Karen I just got done reading your blog! Wow it is amazing and I had no idea all that has been going on. Thanks for being so transparent. I cannot say I know exactly how you feel but I do know the waiting feeling. I got off depo last jan and I've had those up and down feelings about getting pregnant as well. I've also question 

3/12/2012 01:39:40 pm

Sorry posted before finished... I've also questioned God's purpose and plan for us as well as wondered about having "real friends" too! Your blog was very raw and interesting. Thanks so much for sharing your journey and saying things that many of us have felt but may not want to say at times! I don't know if you have my number still but it is still the same. I lost all contacts recently when I switched phones long story!!!

3/12/2012 01:47:44 pm

Praying for you and your entry this time compelled me to comment - usually I silently read and pray for you. You mentioned embryo adoption and I wanted to connect you to my friend's blog who have adopted 6 embroyos and currently have 1 adorable baby girl who is a little over a year and they just last week transplated their 3rd embroyo and are praying that it holds and develops into a thriving baby! Stacy I am certain would be happy to talk with you about the adoption process - and she journaled it well on her blog.

3/26/2012 10:00:53 pm

Oh, your video brought me to tears. I, too, know the pain of infertility and the limitlessness of God's grace through that dark valley. 10+ years after our journey to have a child, we now have 2 blessings from China and have seen God take something so hard and make it so good. I wish we could sit down, have coffee, and pray. As you boldly recognize, He is in it and He will reveal His plans in His time. Praying for you several states away!


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