So, today was the opposite of the other day.  I finally got in touch with NFC to discuss moving my surgery up to April 22.  Reason is- my manager is out the week we had scheduled it, then our whole month of May is basically full of family and friends visiting and then we leave for vacation.  Which puts us all the way to June.  For real, June- that's when we were going to take our cruise.   So, when I finally spoke with NFC and got the surgery set for April 22- then I thought this is it - we're really doing this.  Until, our lovely insurance company tells me they're out of network and although they will cover 60% of what they think is reasonable- going to an in-network doctor would be much wiser and much cheaper.  This is after I call my mom and tell her to come and tell my sister she probably shouldn't come with the kids next week since I won't be much fun.  AH! 
           What else?  Seriously, I just want to get this over with.  For one, I'm terrified of surgery to begin with, but secondly, I just want to be able to get pregnant- and if this surgery will help- then why do we have to delay another couple months.  I just don't understand.   I feel like the months are slipping away now.  And somehow they are going by so quickly.  Dave turns 33 this June and I'll be 28 in July.  Thinking how we would have already had one child by now, and possibly working on a second is disheartening.  I don't regret any of our time we have had together- I have enjoyed my husband and all the things we have gotten to do, I have enjoyed building a house and making it a home, I have enjoyed our vacations and the freedom to do what we want to do.  But I am ready to enjoy a child together.  I am ready to make one of our rooms a nursery and put a crib in it and decorate it like crazy.  I am ready to make a big announcement that we are pregnant.  I am ready to shout it out to the rooftops that we did it- we're going to have a baby- we're going to parents.
           After speaking with insurance and feeling like I could cry hearing the news.  I called Dave and we both decided it would be wise to cancel it and try to find an in-network doctor.  It was hard to cancel- because I felt like we were so close to finding an answer.  And now it feels like we're starting over again.  So, I am having NFC fax all my paperwork to a new doctor I found at Vanderbilt.  I must have asked the receptionist a million questions about him- I can't find him online- but apparently he's been practicing for 25 years and at Vanderbilt for one year.  He specializes in infertility.  I have an appt this coming Thursday to speak with him and hopefully come up with a plan.  I am a little uneasy since he is a male and I've always had a female doctor, but if he's good at what he does and he can get us pregnant - I don' really care anymore. 
           I took some time this morning looking up these doctors that my insurance gave me.  It's stressful.  I'm picking a doctor by a picture and a summary written about them.  How unfair is that?  What does a picture say?  Can I really pick a doctor by how they look or what their biography says about them- I may not like them in person at all.  How do I make this decision.  I have it down to 2 doctors.  Of course both are male.  One is a former Vanderbilt doctor who started his own infertility clinic and the other is currently with Vanderbilt.  We'll see.  I guess we can go and meet them both and decide.  But there is so much paperwork for all of these.  And frankly I'm sick of paperwork.   

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