It worked out very nicely that I went to go get my hair done today- some form of pampering to keep my mind off the reality of what is going on.  My period came today and well if I don't stay distracted I just cry.  I cried on my way to work Wednesday morning because I knew it was coming when my temp. dropped.  The whole day I just kept waiting for it to start which makes it even worse.  Impending doom.   I did keep busy today - going to get my hair done, shopping, and then Dave left work early just to take me out to dinner tonight.  It would have been nice if we were going out to celebrate but we were going out to cheer me up .  It def. helps to treat myself to something special when I get bad news.    He took me to J Alexanders - it was very nice and then we made a stop at Starbucks on the way home for another little treat. 
        I think I was so dissapointed this month because I was really hoping to share our news with family over the holidays.  I was so excited to have the best Christmas present for everyone.   Well, that obviously isn't going to happen.  No Christmas miracle for me.   At least not at this time.                 
        Dave and I are now faced with deciding what to do from here.  We have now had 2 failed attempts with IUI.  Both with Clomid, and then one with Clomid and Ovadril (HCG) trigger shot.  It's hard to believe that it is going to happen for us this way.   You begin to lose faith and hope in the technique when it just doesn't seem to be working.  Furthermore, I just don't know how many more times I can withstand going through this dissapointment.  It takes a lot out of you.  I feel like my mind is now trained itself to expect the worst.  If I hope and believe it's going to happen and then it doesn't, I am only more upset with the outcome.    I think they reccommend 3 rounds of IUI before proceeding to IVF.  Of course it's depressing to think about IVF becuase it's $9000 and we have to save up for that- which may take several months to get saved up.  I'm trying not to think about it.  Not to mention how scary the whole process is- you take a ton of medications, and then go under anesthesia for the procedure, and then you have to be on bedrest 2 days following the procedure.  It's a big ordeal.  We'll both have to take a couple days off work too!  So, we have to decide what w'ere going to do next.  
              I called NFC today to let them know the news.  I'm awaiting a return call to see what they say we should do next.


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