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As I get older and realize that life isn't all about me, I am more aware of those around me and the problems they face in this life.  Even though for Dave and I the past few years have been a struggle in trying to get pregnant, I realize there are others with struggles,challenges, trials, disappointments, whatever it may be just like us.    We have a friend right now who is watching her parents of 20+ years of marriage fall apart.  We have another friend who is separated from her husband and struggling to see why they ever got married.  We have friends who financially are scraping for every penny to make ends meet.  We have friends who have been without jobs for many months.  Yeah, we all have different "somethings' clouding our minds, worrying us, stressing us out, or even making us doubt our faith, but in the end it doesn't really matter what that "something" is, it's still a "something".

One of the biggest things I've come to realize through all of this is so many of us are going through something really tough.  As we get older, we begin to realize life isn't always easy.  For those of us who have felt like things just came easy in life, we will eventually hit a point in life when that isn't the case anymore.   For me, infertility has really been that thing.  My whole life even though I didn't realize it until now, things have come pretty easy.  I have been incredibly blessed with so much love, parents who couldn't have loved me more, sisters who provide the deepest friendship one could seek and never find, a husband who loves me with his whole heart and also loves the Lord.    I have always excelled at whatever I put my heart and soul into including sports, academics, art, music, jobs, etc.  I don't say this to brag, I say it to those of you who can relate to this.  

 The reality of life is bad things happen to good people, sometimes we can work really hard at something and still not achieve success, sometimes we have no control over the outcome of a situation, and sometimes God seems silent.   Saying that out loud helps me to realize even more that my relationship with Christ becomes so much deeper when I'm going through a hard time.  When we cruise through life and often times we do and we don't realize it, we lose sight of God.  Our daily lives become so much about us and our successes, goals, dreams, achievements, etc.  We don't "need" God when life is good right?  We forget to be with him in the great times and isn't is crazy that he uses our toughest moments, our weaknesses to turn us back to him.   And isn't it even crazier that he works best in our weakness.

Well, I've been going to acupuncture treatments for 3 months now.  I have also been on herbs for that time.  Over the course of the 3 months I visit the doctor weekly for acupuncture treatment and to go over my temperature chart.  He bases my progress on the chart.    Sadly, we have not seen much improvement in my cycle as far as the chart is considered.  My cycle is still consistently short - 24 days, and I am still ovulating early- day 10-12.  But, he is still hopeful that the acupuncture and the herbs are treating my eggs monthly and helping their quality and quantity.   He said we really won't know until we go forward with an IUI and see how it looks.  

When we started this approach, Dave and I had decided we would give it 3 months before we re-approached any reproductive assistance.  So, for the past 3 months we have  tried not to think about it much.  We have tried to rest our minds from what we've been through.  We went on a wonderful vacation to the Dominican in June.  No cell phones, no internet- just the 2 of us.   It's been nice to rest my body from all the poking, prodding, and medicine.    My bottom is still sore from the progesterone shots Dave was giving me nightly after the IVF transfer.  I think there is scar tissue there because it still hurts occasionally if I bump it at the injection site.   It's annoying and it only reminds me of what I've been through and how it didn't work.  

We will go forward with an IUI in August when my cycle starts.  I'm hopeful and excited to go in to see the results.  As soon as my cycle starts I will go on Clomid Day 2-5.  Then we will trigger ovulation.  Once triggered they will do a vaginal ultrasound to see the development of the eggs and how large they are.  This will really give us an idea of the effectiveness of the herbs and acupuncture.  This is the part I am very anxious to see how I have responded.  At this point, I have no idea what the past 3 months have done to my body, but we are hoping and praying that it will all pay off in the end.