2 Kings 4 :

 1One day the widow of a member of the group of prophets came to Elisha and cried out, “My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.”  2 “What can I do to help you?” Elisha asked. “Tell me, what do you have in the house?”
“Nothing at all, except a flask of olive oil,” she replied.  3 And Elisha said, “Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors. 4 Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting each one aside when it is filled.” 5 So she did as she was told. Her sons kept bringing jars to her, and she filled one after another. 6 Soon every container was full to the brim!
“Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons.  “There aren’t any more!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing.  7 When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on what is left over.”

We were reminded today in Sunday School that God is able to fill our empty jars.  The question remains..........Do I go to the Lord with my empty jars for him to fill them or is my life so busy that I don't take the time to go to him and ask?  As we read the story we see how God provided exactly what the widow needed in a desperate time of need.  If she didn't pay her debts, she was going to lose her children.  But God stepped in and provided.  This story gives me so much hope.  The Lord knows exactly what we need.  Dave and I are in a time of waiting and we need to ask God to fill our jars to the brim while he is preparing us, so when we have children, we can pour into them what God has poured into us.  Now is the time of preparation, God has big things ahead for us and I can't wait!  Lord, overflow my jars.  

I went in this morning and the ultrasound tech informs me that I have a cyst on my right ovary.  I just laid there like you've got to be kidding me.  I almost didn't believe her because like I said it's not like me to get a cyst from Clomid.   I've been on much stronger medication and have never had a problem.  The tech left the room and told me to come out when I was ready so they could discuss it with the doctor.  As soon as she walked out of the room, I began to cry.  All I could think to myself was there's always something.  Part of the downs with infertility are receiving bad news, but for Dave and I, it has always helped us to have a next step in mind.  This was our next step and I felt like she was taking it away.  

I finally came out of the room and sat in the waiting area as I waited for the nurse to come tell me if the Dr. felt ok proceeding with the IUI and medication even though I had a cyst.  The nurse came out and told me they would draw an estrogen level on me and make sure the level was low- if the level came back low they would proceed with the IUI and medication, but if it came back high, then we would have to wait.   My hope returned as I began praying for a low Estrogen level.  She told me she would call me later this afternoon.  Finally around 230 I got a call from the nurse who confirmed my level was only 42. She said they like it to be under 80 to proceed with FSH medications.  So, here we go.  I will begin Folistim Saturday evening thru Tuesday evening and then return to the doctor Wednesday AM for an ultrasound.  At that time, we will see what follicles are developing and when to trigger ovulation for another IUI.  

For now, I'm enjoying this beautiful fall day we have here in Nashville.  It's 'absolutely gorgeous outside.  

Meditating on God's word:  Psalm 138:3:  

When I pray you answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need.  

With infertility, most friends do a wonderful job with offering sympathy.   They feel sorry for you but they do not necessarily understand what  you are actually feeling, partly because they've never gone through it themselves.  As a result of this they feel sympathetic for you because they do not understand the problem or predicament that you are presently having.    Empathy on the other hand takes a little more work.  It often takes going through a similar situation to gain empathy for someone. Empathy can be described as sharing a feeling with someone.   Sympathy is generally expressed to  a person when they're going through a rough time.  Empathy is generally shared with the person as you walk with them through the problem they are dealing with at that time.  You have the ability to imagine how hard it is to be in their shoes, and you are with them during their time of stress.  

I guess this has been on my mind tonight because I just got back from an infertility seminar at our church.  Thanks to a friend who informed me of it.  Up to this point, I hadn't really known of anything to attend to receive support from others who are walking through the same  journey. I've never been surrounded by so many others all at once that are going through exactly what we're going through.  People that are literally walking through the same process as we are- women that have had the same surgeries, procedures, medications, shots, and received the same bad bad news time and time again.   We're  not alone.  I think tonight I learned that there is support out there.   There are so many other very deserving couples out there who want a child just as badly as Dave and I , and they're not getting pregnant either.  Currently 15% of all childbearing couples in the United States are walking the infertility journey.  That's a good amt of people when you think about it.

The group session tonight was very good.  Probably about 20 of us that met- husbands and wives.  It's such a comfort to know there are others out there that truly do understand the pain, the trials, and the longing that Dave and I have been experiencing the past 2.5 years.   They've walked through it too!  Our church is going to actually start a group that meets regularly for anyone walking the journey to gain support and encouragement.  I think that makes such a difference in any difficult circumstance- having others walking alongside you that know exactly what you're going through.  That's one of the main purposes of church, of course number one is to hear God's word spoken into our lives, but I would say that community is right up there.  He provided us with a group of fellow believers to walk alongside of us when we are going through difficult times.    Not just infertility, but any trial we find ourselves in. 

Dave and I are excited to meet with this group again as we walked away feeling supported, encouraged, and normal.  Normal in a sense that everyone else there shares the same struggle we do.    Some have opted to adopt and have beautiful babies, others may choose to use donor sperm or donor eggs, and yet others are still trying to get a diagnosis from their doctor so they can proceed appropriately.   I think sometimes God allows us to walk through things so we can be of help to others.  I am gaining such a heart for women going through infertility.  My heart weeps for them because I know exactly what they're walking through. I don't know how God will use this in my life, but I know that he's growing a passion in me to help those going through what  I'm going through.